In a few words: I’m struggling right now.
With many, many things.
Adjusting to the pace and travel of my new position at work
I’m working more hours, juggling more projects and even though it’s been two months I still haven’t quite found a rhythm. I’m traveling more that ever and those days make me feel a little zonked. In an awesomely productive way! But dinner still needs to be made on those nights, you know?
Staying motivated to pursue my health and fitness goals
I don’t know if I will ever not struggle with this, mostly because my mind always at first defaults to goal/destination type thinking but in reality THERE IS NO END. Sometimes I think about all this work I have put into getting fit and healthy and then I think in a few short months I could get pregnant and everything will be different. Not that I would give up any of my health and fitness prioritization, but I would have to wrap my brain around new goals and thinking and that sounds freaking exhausting since I finally feel like I am getting into my groove after two years of work! Thinking about that makes me feel defeated. But that is so lame because I set out on this path specifically because I wanted TO BE AS HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE WHEN I GOT PREGNANT. Oh, irony.
Keeping up with all the ideas I have for this website, versus the time I have to actually execute them.
The amount of time I spend thinking about and executing pictures and posts and things for this blog is insane. It is a Full Time Hobby! But I love it. It is honestly one of my favorite things in life and it feels like such a luxury to be able to post here. But it is a commitment and a responsibility and I am definitely wrestling with the next steps. Do I monetize? Post less? Post more? Seek out guest posts? How does it fit in with the next few years? All of that.
Listen, there are days when I struggle with the basics here
Having enough time to relax and to pursue the fluffy things I love
Sometimes I want to just sit down and watch the entire first season of a television show in one weekend because my friends recommended it. Currently I do NOT have that kind of time. While I enjoy the fact that I don’t spend a lot of time with my television, sometimes a girl needs some quality time with the DVR.
Keeping myself from diving off the deep end nutritionally and just eating cake for a week.
I want to tell you my eating habits are poor right now because I feel like they are off the rails. But when I was describing this to a friend last night (hi Gina!) she was like “What, are you diving head first into the bread basket every night?” and the truth is, I’m not. It’s more like I’ve made dried fruit and dark chocolate a nightly habit instead of an occasional indulgence. But when you say that out loud, YOU SOUND LIKE A GIANT DOUCHE. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel any less out of control. And I don’t really…like feeling out of control because when I do it just sort of begets more similar behavior.
The truth is, I’m struggling with all of it right now.
It’s all kind of converging at once and the other day I had a long, dramatic feeling sorry for myself moment on my drive to work. I was lamenting my crazy-busy schedule, wishing that I was at home finishing up my book and catching up on my Real Housewives of Wherever. I had forgotten to pack breakfast. I was going to a meeting on my lunch break. It was just a melodramatic sob fest in my mind and then I thought to myself:
WAIT A MINUTE HOLLY, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MAKES THE GOD DAMN SCHEDULE. GET IT TOGETHER.
So you know, I’m trying.
I’ve talked a lot here about trying to find balance, but recently everywhere I turn Danielle LaPorte keeps popping up purporting that life balance is a myth, and the pursuit of it is causing us more stress than the craving for balance itself.
I don’t really believe in coincidences so the fact that I keep reading this over and over in different shapes and forms makes me feel like maybe I ought to actually sit down and really digest that idea. If life balance is a myth and I should be pursuing my passions, where do I go from here? Because I’ve got a lot of passion up in here!
I don’t have any answers today or a great way to end this post or any grand epiphany to share, but in an effort to be transparent I just thought I needed to throw this out there. Life is really, really good lately — but also not without it’s challenges. And sometimes it’s nice to just say that out loud, and hope that by throwing it out there in the company of friends it will help me move on to the next chapter.
Happy Friday and here’s to hoping!