Scenes From Our Relationship

The thing I love most about Garrett is that I never quite know what is going to come out of his mouth.


In Nordstrom Rack:

H:  Hey babe, what do you think of this necklace?

G:  Oh yeah, it’s awesome.  You are trying to look like a chinese checkerboard, right?

moments later…

H:  Ok, what about this purse?  This purse is cute though, right?

G: Oooooooooooooh I see.  We’re going through a gaudy phase, are we?

(For the record, it was cute damnit!  Also $300.  Nordstrom Rack, remember that you are THE RACK and not actually Nordstrom.)

On Face Wash:

G:  I think we need some new face wash in the shower, this one is drying my face out. What do you think?

H:  Oh, you don’t like the Garnier Fructis one?

G:  Yeah, no more Gardener Fruit Loops.  I think I want to go back to Oil of Old Lady.


As we got into bed recently….

G:  Hey :::sniffs at me:::  did you buy a new face wash?

H:  Yeah, it was on clearance at Target the other day, I thought I’d try it out.  Why does it smell weird?

G:  No, it smells good.  It smells like…you know, older lady naturals.

H:  OLDER LADY NATURALS?  What on earth does that even mean?  Because that sure doesn’t sound like it smells good.

G:  Older Lady Naturals — you know, like lavender and jojoba and shit.  It smells good.  I like it.  Good Night babe!

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