Welcome!Hey there! I'm Holly. A 40+ year old insurance-nerd wife, mom, beauty lover, and about a million other things in between. This is the place where I share about our lives, what I'm currently loving, books I'm reading, plus-size style, beauty recommendations, health + fitness endeavors and anything else I'm finding interesting at the moment. Thanks for stopping by!
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Category Archives: Crossfit
Here, allow me to really get that ear worm into your head.
Anyway, the time for rearranging some of my priorities is now. I tried on 5 pairs of jeans this morning in order to find a comfortable pair to wear grocery shopping. I am a fan of stuffing and pumpkin pie, but I am not a fan of my pants feeling tight. This is the first time it has happened in 16 months and let me tell you it was a rude awakening.
The truth is my eating habits have been quite…um, lax in the past few weeks. This is to be expected with the holidays and happy hours and dinners out and working in a office where every one feels the need to celebrate with baked goods, and to be honest I find the festivities of the season a good reason to let your diet go off the rails a bit. I am all about enjoying traditions and not being too anal about every single thing you eat when things like Thanksgiving and Christmas only come once a year.
Personally, I am having trouble lately drawing the line between enjoying a seasonal treat and eating a mini snickers for breakfast because someone has brought them into the office. And since I blew breakfast, I might as well enjoy that Pumpkin Spice latte at lunch because the red cups ONLY COME AROUND ONCE PER YEAR!
And the truth is I have been having trouble for the past few weeks.
What makes the situation complex is that I am still kicking ass at the gym. Fitness is still a huge priority. I mean, I ran a 5k on Thanksgiving Day FOR FUN! (And annihilated my previous time! 2011 Goal — CHECK!) And it was fun. And I have no doubt that I will continue to workout and prioritize the sanity that exercise brings and continue to maintain my weight in a healthy way. So what is the big deal if I have a little bourbon egg nog cocktail on a Friday night, right? No need to be so regimented!
But the problem with this thinking is that I am not trying to maintain my weight right now. Next year, maybe I will have cocktails every Friday night for the entire holiday season. But currently I am in the home stretch with my goals and I would just like to get there! So I need to rearrange my priorities a bit. I have at least 40 ish lbs left to go (though I am becoming less and less attached to a particular number the fitter I get) and continuing to just maintain isn’t getting me where I want to go. And you know how much I love checking off lists and achieving goals, so — it’s time for some change.
Enter, AndreAnna. My dietary fairy godmother. Do you have one of those? I recommend it. It’s nice to have someone you can text while you are walking up and down the aisle of Costco thinking to yourself “PEPPERMINT MALT BALLS? THEY MAKE THOSE? I MUST BUY THEM ALL!” And have her remind you that bulking up on healthy stuff is going to get you where you want t be. She has put together a Look Better Naked Paleo Challenge and because I need a lifeline with my nutrition right now, I’ve decided to participate.
What I’m committing to over the next 6 weeks:
1) Strict Primal eating (no grains, sugar, legumes, processed foods, only full-fat dairy)
2) Keep dairy to a minimum
3) At least 4 Workouts Per Week
4) Sleep at least 7 hours a night, aim for 8.
5) Keep my carbohydrate intake between 50-100g per day
6) Keep the alcohol intake to special occasions
And here are my goals I’d like to see by Jan 6:
1) 5-10 lbs weight loss
2) Do pull ups in a WOD with red band (I’ve been working on this for a bit and I think a drop in lbs and re-commitment to the gym will help me nail it)
3) Get my weight loss mojo back!
How I plan to get there
1) Tracking food intake, especially carbs at first
If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know that I despise food tracking. I think it is a recipe for mental anguish, food obsession, and frankly it interferes with your ability to listen to your body’s natural signals. Eat when you’re hungry, don’t when you’re not. THAT is a lifestyle. Counting calories/carbs/points is not, in my opinion. ***stepping off soapbox now. sorry**** That said, I need to get back to being able to HEAR my body’s signals so I need a little structure at first.
2) Prioritizing sleep.
This means I need to plan a little better if I’m going to wake up and tackle a 5 am WOD.
3) Reduce the caffeine consumption
I have a tendency to over caffeinate when I’m feeling worn out. Who doesn’t? But I really enjoy coffee black and I think it is one of life’s small pleasures and I tend to use that as an excuse when I’m starting to use it as a crutch. “But you enjoy it, Holly! You don’t even use cream and sugar! Deprivation is not the goal!” And then I drink 5 cups a day without even thinking about it and it wreaks a bit of havoc on my body. A cup in the morning is enough. If it’s not, sleep more, silly.
4) Focus on hydration.
I’ve been super lax about hydrating lately and that is another thing that, for me, really affects the way I feel, perform and eat. It’s time to stop lazing about and drag my ass down the water cooler.
So that’s my plan for the next 6 weeks. Re-commitment to healthy habits and to do things that make feel better instead of lethargic and sorry for myself.
It’s the hardest time of year to get this all in check, but I am feeling more dedicated than ever. Um…plus it’s a competition, and no one loves a little friendly competition more than me.
Wish me luck?
I think we can all agree that if one cannot find the energy to recap a weekend until a Wednesday, it was a very good weekend, yes?
A very good weekend, indeed!
AndreAnna arrived Thursday and I’m pretty sure we didn’t stop talking until we realized it had slowly turned into The Middle of the Night and if we wanted to actually make it through the next day, we needed to go to bed IMMEDIATELY.
AndreAnna was one of those people who made me feel like I could maybe, possible, hopefully, actually survive CrossFit — so the weekend could not go by without us actually busting out a WOD side by side. Fun times! In order to balance out the bad-assery of our morning we headed out to get manis and pedis and then OBVIOUSLY shopped until we dropped.
Friday night Liz rolled into town and we wasted no time — no passing go or collecting $200 — it was time for cocktails and some fireside chat!
And some fireside double unders, which also go well with cocktails in case you are wondering. If you haven’t tried to jump rope a bit tipsy in flip flops, I dare say you haven’t lived. Also: I need one of these magic jump ropes STAT!
You would think this would be the point in the evening where Garrett would say to himself, “WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN MY HOUSE?” but honestly, I think he was a smitten kitten, and could not have been more entertained by the three of us goofing around. I mean AndreAnna kept him in stitches, and within about 5 seconds of meeting him Liz dropped some serious Formula One knowledge on him, so it is safe to say that Garrett ALSO loves them like a love song.
Saturday we headed out to Sonoma in search of the quintessential California Combo of wine and cheese. I mean, it’s kind of a must, right? The plan was to grab some sandwiches at The Sonoma Cheese Factory but first we had to stop over at Swiss Hotel for some Glarifees.
(Thank you Gina for turning me on to these a few years ago — they have changed my life and I’m sure now AndreAnna and Liz would say the same!)
What the hell is a Glarifee? Imagine the best Irish Coffee you have ever had, but more foamy and delicious and ICED! And there you will have it. It is worth it, and if you are ever in the are, it is a MUST TRY. Trust me on this one.
Of course we eventually got our sandwiches. I have like 5000 version of this same picture and every single time it tastes even BETTER than it looks. I’m not too much of a bread eater anymore, but there are just some things for which there are no substitute and a sandwich at the Sonoma Cheese Factory is one of them.
Then it was off to Sebastiani Winery, and I’ll give you one guess as to what we did there.
A quick stop for some “dinner” on the way home and we were ready to hit the town.
(Why yes, this did end up proving to a be a poor choice for “dinner” prior to a night out, thanks for noticing. Rookie Mistake.)
Saturday night found us out at Faces, which I have to say after 10 years of living here in Sacramento is still the best place for a night out that includes cheezy pop, ridiculous rooms to dance in, strong drinks and hot gay men go-go dancing on the bars. We put on our fancy clothes and headed out to enjoy JUST THAT!
Of course a few cocktails later we may not have looked quite so pulled together, but still having a blast!
Sunday morning required A LOT of coffee, a greasy breakfast at Tower Cafe, and a good amount of time couching. I mean where else were we going to brainstorm theories of why Selena Gomez is so cute and Demi Lovato looks so bootsy, even though they are the same age? Deep thoughts, you know. WE HAD LOTS.
I think that was the best part of this weekend, looking back. It’s fun to be able to email and tweet and facebook and text, but there is nothing quite like sitting on your couch shoveling pizza in your mouth with no shame. Or booty shaking to Robyn in the living room. Or dropping blenders full of margaritas on the patio and being able to do little more than laugh hysterically.
These are the moments that you can’t have while sitting at a computer all day, and I feel so lucky that we got to have an entire weekend full!
These are my people.
And this WAS my blender. RIP (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!)
And it was TOTALLY WORTH IT!
The rest of the weekend photos are here if you’d like to have a look. Half naked go-go dancers is all I’m saying. HALF NAKED GO-GO DANCERS.
POSTED IN: Faces, Glarifee, Liz, Sebastiani, Sonoma, Sonoma Cheese Factory, Swiss Hotel, Tower Cafe
POSTED IN: Faces, Glarifee, Liz, Sebastiani, Sonoma, Sonoma Cheese Factory, Swiss Hotel, Tower Cafe
When I was 18 a group of my friends and I got together for a girls night out and headed to some seedy piercing parlor in Oakland where we promptly needled ourselves into some fabulous new face accessories. For me it was my eyebrow, tongue and that weird little tab on the inside of my ear. What’s that called again? I don’t know but it hurt like CAH-RAZY and I did both sides.
Look it was 1996, don’t judge me alright. This was not the stupidest thing I did at age 18.
What I remember most about that experience — aside from how bad it hurt the next day when my dad used his needle nose pliers from the garage to “help me” remove the damage I had done to my face (he let me keep the tongue piercing because he couldn’t see it – HA!), and how stupid it was to spend almost $200 on jewelry only to be forced to remove it all the following day (that’s what you get for still living at home!) — was the expression on the business card that the piercing lady gave us as we all departed.
“It hurts to be beautiful.”
Despite the fact that I have grown out of my desire for facial piercings (let me be clear: I’m not judging YOU, I just don’t like them for ME) I still use that phrase every so often because it gives me a little chuckle. Mostly I say it when Garrett shakes his head at me on a 100 degree day when I am standing under a hot blow dryer or when I am staring myself down in the mirror plucking my eyebrows. But I thought of this expression again this morning as I watched the recap video of last weekend’s Fight Gone Bad festivities over at my CrossFit box.
Here are all of these people push themselves to their limits — doing things they didn’t think they could do, lifting things they didn’t think they could lift. Pushing themselves for 17 minutes of anxiety and pain. I spent those 17 minutes stressing about jumping on a box that I wasn’t sure I could jump on (20 inches! That is HIGH for me!) and had never successfully done for an entire WOD.
But you know what, I did it! And so did they! We all set out to have a good time, make some goals and GIT’R DONE! (Ha! I hate that expression but sometimes it’s so appropriate.)
And in the end, it HURT. LIKE. HELL.
But when I watched this video and relived that afternoon in my mind, all I could think of was — Hot Damn! It does hurt to be beautiful, and there are a lot of beautiful people at this gym. Inside and Out.
(And then I secretly thanked my dad for making me take out my eyebrow ring, because…really? It was not a good look.)
My very advanced strategy – :28
The Pain Begins – 2:18
How it felt (the visual) – 2:32
What we looked like when done – 3:37
Oh just go watch it already!
Totally perfect song, right????
I’ve tried a lot of new things in the last year but the one that has changed me the most — inside AND out — is joining American River CrossFit.
The thing about CrossFit is that from the perspective of an outsider it looks extreme. It looks like a cult. It looks like a whole lot of effort and thanksbutnothanks I will just get up and go to the gym tomorrow and do my usual routine and that will be just fine. I know how it looks because at one time, I thought all of those things too.
But after 11 months of CrossFit, I have found a place where I not only enjoy working out — I crave it. I am being 100% honest when I tell you that I have to force myself NOT to go the gym these days, and that is a place where I NEVER thought I would be.
A Few Things I Love About ARCFit:
*I love the that all I have to do is show up and someone else has thoughtfully programmed what I need to be doing that day.
*I love that EVERYONE checks their egos at the door. Well, everyone who is successful. (I will admit there are days where I am not successful.)
*I love that I am encouraged to make goals (NATCH!) and even more encouraged to achieve them.
*I love that I get to push myself in ways that I wouldn’t have thought of by myself.
*I love that in pushing myself I am becoming so much stronger physically AND mentally.
*I love that the gym feels like an hour a day that I get to hang out with awesome people who are totally (and genuinely!) behind me.
*I love the feeling of being totally behind all of those people as well.
*I love the community.
*I love the BAD-ASSERY that happens on random Tuesday night, squeezed in between a full day of work and preparing dinner.
*I love what the rehashing that Garrett and I do together on the car ride home does for our relationship.
*I love the anticipation I feel first thing in the morning when I wake up and check out what today’s workout is.
*And of course, I love the results.
Tonight on ESPN 2 the beginning of a 12 part mini series about the CrossFit Games will be airing. Check it out or DVR it if you are at all interested in the CULT-ure of CrossFit. 😉 It’s sure to be inspiring!
If you watch it, let me know what you think!
Also, this weekend while Garrett will be drinking too much whiskey at a Bachelor Party in Nashville, I will be participating in a CrossFit event called Fight Gone Bad. Almost 1000 CrossFit affiliates participate in this 17 minute workout from hell. (Interesting video history of this little event can be found here.) The event raises funds for Special Operations Warrior Foundation, CrossFit Kids and Camp Patriot. If you are interested in donating a buck or two (literally — ever $1 counts — AND YOU CAN PAYPAL!) head over to my little fundraising site.
Every little bit helps!
This weekend was full of So! Much! Excitement!
For starters, I took Friday off — who doesn’t love a 3 day weekend just because. That afternoon, Garrett’s golf clubs came, and if there is anything cuter than a grown man with a new toy, I don’t know what it is.
Well, it might be a grown man in a hot pink headband letting the world know he is an athlete.
He doesn’t generally go around looking like this, but Saturday morning was our gym’s First Annual 80s Wod-A-Thon. Obviously there was dressing up involved and we took the challenge quite seriously.
(God, the 80s. Why are these fashion trends coming back? Did we learn nothing?)
The point of the event was to get everyone at the gym used to the idea of competing, but in a stress free environment. Competitions can be scary, but it’s hard to be stressed when the judges are dressed like this.
We were broken up into 9 teams.
Garrett’s Team Thruster Thunder were going to be tough competitors.
WOD # 2 was to as a team find the max amount of tire flips you can do in 3 minutes. (It was a tractor tire weighing a couple hundred pounds that all 4 of us had to move.) Here is a video, courtesy of my workout buddy Pia, to give you an idea of what it looked like:
If you would like to know what it felt like, I would say this is more accurate:
You know, but with a tractor tire on top of you.
So that was pleasant.
Onto possibly the best WOD. WOD # 3 — Max reps on the thigmaster. And if you thought there was a way to NOT look stupid using the thighmaster, you thought wrong.
I think at this point it’s appropriate to let you know that I asked Garrett to take pictures of my team during all these events too, but he coincidentally seemed to forget each time.
Note to Garrett: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FORGET. THIGHMASTER PICS ON THE INTERNET.
WOD # 4 was appropriately called The Chipper. It included a
100m relay holding plates (25lbs women/45 men) then a circuit of the following where you only moved on to your next station when the whole team was done:
20 box jumps
30 jumping pull ups
Followed by a 200 m relay sprint for each team member
Thruster Thunder had one more WOD to go though, because they were TIED FOR FIRST! (I have never been so happy NOT to be in first place!) The first place rights came down to a wheelbarrow race, and in the end, Team Top Gun took the victory by a nose.
It’s so great to belong to such an awesome gym full of people with such fun personalities. The community at American River CrossFit is palpable. There is really no place I’d rather workout.
Such a fun couple of days! But let me tell you I think I need another weekend to recover from my weekend, if you know what I’m saying.
Are you read for this week?
Cute video from my friends over at American River CrossFit. I’ve pushed my physical limits with just about every person in this video and never once has anyone made me feel like I was anything other than an awesome athlete. I probably should have chosen a word like “Supportive” or “Uplifting” but instead my pre-workout anticipatory jitters got the best of me.
See what words Garrett and I chose at 5:18 and 6:56.
Honestly, I love this place.
At my CrossFit gym we track our PRs monthly. Although I am a super anal list maker (you’re shocked, I know) and OF COURSE track all of my workouts, progress and my actual Personal Records — I like to make up superficial PRs for myself too. It’s more fun that way. In June, for example, my PR was Wearing a Tank Top While Being Anywhere Other Than My House. You all know how I feel about this, this was a LEGIT PR. Maybe next month’s PR will be wearing shorts. Yes, that’s right; I’m totally anti-shorts at the gym. Not on YOU, of course, on me. So August, maybe? To be determined. But what I really want to tell you about July’s Superficial PR, because when it finally all came together I was ready to do my best impersonation of this.
Let’s start at the beginning. We generally we do all of our running outside at the gym. There are predetermined routes and the 400m, 800m, and 1600m routes all involve running on a busy street in town for a short period of time. It doesn’t bother me at all to run out in the middle of traffic for a short distance (there is a sidewalk and you are always running with others) but as you can imagine, running down a busy street during rush hour frequently involves some kind of cat-calling. Do you wonder if anyone has ever successfully made a love connection by hooting and hollering at someone on the street? Because these are the things I wonder about when I’m running and some underage gentleman sitting shotgun in a shiny purple low-riding Oldsmobile hollers that I have a nice ass. Thank you, kind sir! BUT WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH WITH THAT COMMENT?
The other thing I wonder about: rickshaws.
Yep, those kind of rickshaws.
You see, during a run the other night as my entire group ambled down the street we passed a homeless man riding on a rickshaw – which frankly, is notable enough in itself. End of story. I mean, if someone told me I had to procure a rickshaw immediately as a part of some game show like challenge that all of a sudden just happened to fall in my lap, I would be stumped. I really would have no idea where to start. So I got to wondering: where does a person with more limited resources find a rickshaw? Was it just strewn about? Did he save up for it? Did someone put their old rickshaw out on the curb in hopes that it would make its way to a good home? I mean, it’s kind of brilliant when you think about it. It’s a parasol on wheels!
Anyway, I digress.
So obviously I was thinking this gentleman was fairly brilliant, you know right up until he smacked his lips together and told me that I had very nice thighs, and might I perchance, take a moment to wrap them around him? In slightly different words, of course. I mean, I guess there’s no harm in asking, but since my boyfriend was running right next to me, the odds were unfortunately not in his favor. Awkward. I declined (OBVIOUSLY) and ran on my merry way thinking about rickshaws and resourcefulness and what my life would be like if a game show like challenge automatically appeared, but mostly I put the incident out of my mind until I was at Target the other day.
I was looking for a pair of black capris and if you can believe it (I CAN’T!) there were nary a pair in the entire Target clothing section! Not even in the juniors section where they sell things in impossible sizes like 3s or 11s! (So weird.) But lo and behold I found a pair of very darling, Audrey-Hepburn-esque slim-fitting, ankle-length pants. I’m trying to think of one more hyphenated adjective to throw in there for emphasis but I’m at a loss. Some combination of crazy and desperation made me feel like trying them on, and surprisingly they were mostly adorable. But they were also snugger in the thigh than I am generally comfortable with. Remember I do not have tiny thighs, I am chip off the old block as it were, and the old block was a defensive lineman in the NFL. No gap between the thighs for me! Now imagine those thighs in skinny Audrey Hepburn pants and you will realize the conundrum I was in standing alone in the Target dressing room.
WHAT SHOULD I DO??? I mean, the hand-wringing, you know?
And then – like a voice from the heavens, I heard my little rickshaw friend validate how delightful looking my thighs truly are. And if he could love them, I COULD LOVE THEM! And with a self-help hug to my pride, I told those Super hot Audrey Hepburn pants to GET IN MY CART IMMEDIATELY! And those Super hot Audrey Hepburn pants now live in my closet thanks to a homeless man riding in a rickshaw.
And if we can agree on nothing else, I think we can all agree this is my Superficial July PR, no?
There are two things speaking to me from the internet this morning, and I find when the internet sends you a couple of coincidentally thematic things in a row, it is best to listen. Except, of course, when that message is “Buy expensive things you can’t afford.” Then I try to tune it out, but oh how that is hard! When the messages are more introspective, however, and less consumer based — I certainly try to pay attention.
There are no coincidences, you know. Only glitches in The Matrix.
Do we need a gratuitous Keanu shot on this Wednesday morning? Yes, yes I think we do.
So the first thing I read this morning was this post on Zen and CrossFit over at The Five Tribe. Honest to god, do you know how many times I have set and arbitrary goal for myself at the gym that has no basis is fact or experience and then have been DISAPPOINTED that I didn’t achieve it? Many more than I would like to admit actually, and the insanity of that is not lost on me. Not that this does not makes the disappointment go away, but since I am at least aware of it, I feel like I am not totally hopeless.
I don’t know where it comes from: this desire to set goals and push relentlessly until I achieve them. It is so god damn hardwired into my brain. I know that sounds a little obnoxious on first glance — oh, woe is me, I love to set goals and achieve them…my life is so hard! Also my diamond shoes are too tight and my money clip is just waaaaaaaay too small! Sigh. The thing is, it’s not the goal setting that is so awful, it is the narrow-focused drive that it sometimes awakens inside of me that pushes for achievement just for achievement’s sake. The drive to cross something off of a list, to check a box, to identify with a number, to have an experience under my belt. This is a productive flaw to have, I realize — better than the fierce and narrow-focused drive to stay in my bed — but it is also one that needs to be kept in check not only in the gym, but in life in order to maintain balance and sanity. Good things, both of those. Things that elude me on occasion.
I’m still working hard on trying to just Be. To show up and try hard. To realize that when I am out running, even if I am bringing up the rear, I am still lapping everyone who is at home sitting on the couch. This alone should be a victory for my demented and focused (and sometimes competitive) brain, AND YET. I find it hard to have purpose when I don’t have a goal, or a drive to achieve. I fear that if I let that go, there will be nothing left to see or do. While I will never be a person who doesn’t set goals any more than I will ever be a person who doesn’t breathe daily I know that I can try my best to control those achievement impulses and redirect that energy to enjoying the journey. The journey itself can be enjoyable!
Let’s all chant it together!
Ok, or not.
Then a few clicks later I read this little gem of a story posted by Melissa over at The Clothes Make the Girl:
There is a story of a young, but earnest Zen student who approached his teacher, and asked the Master:
“If I work very hard and diligently, how long will it take for me to find Zen? The Master thought about this, then replied, “Ten years…”
The student then said, “But what if I work very, very hard and really apply myself to learn fast — How long then?” Replied the Master, “Well, twenty years.”
“But, if I really, really work at it, how long then?” asked the student. “Thirty years,” replied the Master.
“But, I do not understand,” said the disappointed student. “At each time that I say I will work harder, you say it will take me longer. Why do you say that?”
Replied the Master, “When you have one eye on the goal, you only have one eye on the path.”
And then all of a sudden, the light bulb went off.
I basically hate Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 and, poor thing, it isn’t even his fault. I actually blame it all on Santana and that god awful song “Smooth” that was officially 1999’s Most Overplayed Hit. If you just had to click on that link to remind yourself of the song I am talking about, know that I am envious of your ignorance.
Fun Fact: I just fell down a Rob Thomas rabbit hole and found out that he originally wanted George Michael to collaborate with Santana on that song (Thomas originally wrote it for someone else) and man if I don’t feel like I just dodged a bullet since I probably would have grown to hate George Michael too! Then instead of throwing away all of my Matchbox 20 albums what if I had thrown out all my Wham! Records? OHMYGAWD, a world without Wham! is not a world I want to live in.
(Collective sigh of relief for a minute. Wham! Rap FOREVER. )
So all the Rob Thomas talk is because I heard “Smooth” this afternoon and not only did I NOT feel even one iota of rage, but I listened to it all the way through! I KNOW. Are you dead from shock? Don’t Die! Come back to me! Please? Because I am about to tie this into weight loss and cross-dressing, and that is fucking impressive I think. Besides, what else are you going to do right now? Fall down a Rob Thomas rabbit hole? I Do Not Recommend.
I didn’t turn the station because it reminded me of a text message I once got from my cousin Kelly when her in laws came to visit. They were driving up from LA one weekend and upon their arrival Kelly sent me a text that said:OMG, my father in law just rolled into my driveway in a shiny new mini-van blaring Rob Thomas and Santana’s “Smooth.” And this struck me as so hilarious in that moment. I mean, right now, I want you imagine your in-laws rolling up in your driveway in a brand new shiny minvan bumping Rob Thomas and Santana? Or bumping anything for that matter IN A MINIVAN? I dare you not to laugh. And when that song came on today I had a little perspective shift. Instead of having PTSD flashbacks to 1999 as per usual, I thought of Kelly’s awesome Father-in-Law and his (obvs) awesome mini-van and enjoyed the entire song.
Perspective shifts are magical! Like Unicorns!
And speaking of laughing hysterically and perspective shifts, two people called me skinny at work today. This has happened with an increasing frequency over the last few weeks and I drop dead of shock Every. Single. Time. Mostly because the truth is, whether I have lost weight or not, I could still give the majority of NFL Linemen a run for their money if we were standing on scales next to each other. I definitely do not associate the word skinny with myself. I am not even close to my goal weight, and at 5’10 and NOT of tiny bone structure, I’m not afraid to tell you that my goal weight is somewhere around 175lbs. I KNOW! That probably makes some of YOU want to drop dead of shock.
But here’s the thing, at 175lbs I’m pretty sure I will look strong and hot as hell, so don’t die! Get out your smelling salts one more time and come back to me, would ya? Pretty please?
(Boy all of this dropping dead is getting a little exhausting, but I have to admit a part of me just died inside just telling you about my goal weight in like, actual numbers. But we’re all friends here, right internet? So why shouldn’t I let you in on that goal! 175lbs it is!)
So this other thing that I wanted to let you in on? Was how I made Garrett try on women’s clothing the other night. I know *kinky* right? Speaking of dropping dead, Garrett just dropped dead of embarrasment because I told THE INTERNET that he wears women’s clothes. All of his fears that his girlfriend is a blogger without boundaries have come true. MWAHAHAHAHA.
Seriously though, it was only jeans, and I made him do it out of sheer curiosity that I promise to explain. He is a good sport, that Garrett, that’s why I keep him around (see also: The Cuteness.) He goes along with these flights of fancy that I have and doesn’t even really look at me funny anymore when I write about it on the internet. Can you believe I never even put that on my wish list of Character Traits In My Dream Man? Single ladies, this trait is underrated. Add this to your lists immediately. It is worth its weight in entertainment value alone.
So I made him try on women’s jeans not because I am crazy/kinky/cool, but because we were hanging out with my family the other night and everyone kept telling him how skinny he was and how he is going to waste away to nothing and OMG DO YOU EAT? THE HORROR.Yes, he has lost some weight. Actually over 10% of his body fat since we started CrossFit and went Paleo, and now at 5’11 he weighs in at just about 175 lbs. And, whoa whoa, wait a second — that number sounds familiar doesn’t it?
That is THE number. Only, you know he’s a boy. So of course I made him try on a bunch of different jeans to figure out what size he would be in women’s clothing. And guess what? HE FITS INTO A SIZE 12. I mean what a freakin’ waif. You better watch yourself, Kate Moss.
No one can get over how svelte he looks, but you know if he was a woman, he would technically be a Plus Sized Model and most brands of “Investment Jeans” wouldn’t even sell his size, FATTY FATTY FAT PANTS.
And those Size 12 jeans he was trying on? Are the jeans that I *hope* to fit into when I get to my goal weight. My own personal skinny jeans. But the truth is, I don’t even know how I feel about that word skinny anymore anyway? Do I really want to be *skinny*? I don’t know. I’ll tell you what I do know though: I am working hard. I am a work in progress and that is okay. I am doing my best to become a healthier person so hopefully someday we can have kids and I can tell them about how their dad used to dress up in womens’ clothes. Well okay, maybe not that exactly.
I know I’m doing my best to learn about how my body works and what is healthy for me. And I’m also working hard to make sure that throughout this process I continue to look in the mirror and like what I see. Not just physically, but emotionally. And most of the time that last part involves some serious shifts in perspective. It’s a process, you all, but I’ll tell you what — if I can shift my perspective enough to listen to an entire Rob Thomas song after 10 years of wanting to stick my finger in my eye every time I hear it, then frankly I can probably shift my entire perspective on almost anything.
During my second running-heavy workout over at American River CrossFit I think I may have shook my head and mumbled something about these people trying to kill me under my breath. It was 4 or 5 rounds of lifting heavy things broken up with 800 meter (1/2 mile) runs in between, and it was a pretty accurate recipe for torture, I was sure. I was also sure I probably couldn’t do it because I was NOT a runner.
Somewhere amidst all of that negative self-talk I heard our coach Chad say “You don’t have to sprint the 800 meters, do it at any speed you like: the run is for recovery.” And in that moment I was fairly certain he was one egg short of a dozen because — honest to god — who the hell RUNS FOR RECOVERY, BUDDY?!?!
Today is a Monday, and as such I’ve jumped the typical hurdles — the most notably suck-tastic was the sleepy pull of Daylight Savings when my alarm went off at 4:30am. But despite the temptation I fought the sandman, enjoyed a cup of coffee (what? I needed some heavy artillery for that fight), did a few chores around the house, and then put my running clothes on and headed into work early for another throwdown with the treadmill.
The treadmill is not my favorite way to run. In fact the hamster wheel style frustration of moving your body over and over and never getting anywhere can really be an additional mental struggle for me — and frankly, I’m already busy enough in that department. When I hopped on this morning, I was, unsurprisingly — Not Feeling It. I usually try to get into the music, tell myself stories, plan menus (Fat Kid, holla!), remember movie quotes – whatever I can do to get through, you know?
Today, I practically composed this blog post in my mind.
I thought a lot about how 7 months ago I never would have signed up to even run this half-marathon. And in the middle of that I realized that this first mile was feeling awesome. Then I thought about all the excuses I used to make for why I hated running. My former self would not even recognize this person who was booking-it by choice, without another person chasing them. And in the middle of that, I realized that I hadn’t even had that feeling of working at high intensity yet. So I turned up the pace up a notch and kept pushing. And because I was still cruising, I did it again. I kept pushing and pushing until it felt super tough, but even then I didn’t want to quit, I just made a few adjustments and kept going.
And 3 miles later I wondered, why was I ever even worried about my own abilities?
I am dedicated.
I am strong.
I’m not a quitter.
I can achieve this goal if I try.
I can run if I want to run. It’s not A Thing, it’s just an exercise. And you do a lot of that, Holly. So RECOGNIZE.
And when I stepped off that treadmill and headed into the locker room endorphins firing, positivity brimming, and dripping with the intensity of someone who has been singularly focused for the past 40 minutes– well what do you know?
A part of me felt recovered.