I basically hate Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 and, poor thing, it isn’t even his fault. I actually blame it all on Santana and that god awful song “Smooth” that was officially 1999’s Most Overplayed Hit. If you just had to click on that link to remind yourself of the song I am talking about, know that I am envious of your ignorance.
So all the Rob Thomas talk is because I heard “Smooth” this afternoon and not only did I NOT feel even one iota of rage, but I listened to it all the way through! I KNOW. Are you dead from shock? Don’t Die! Come back to me! Please? Because I am about to tie this into weight loss and cross-dressing, and that is fucking impressive I think. Besides, what else are you going to do right now? Fall down a Rob Thomas rabbit hole? I Do Not Recommend.
I didn’t turn the station because it reminded me of a text message I once got from my cousin Kelly when her in laws came to visit. They were driving up from LA one weekend and upon their arrival Kelly sent me a text that said:OMG, my father in law just rolled into my driveway in a shiny new mini-van blaring Rob Thomas and Santana’s “Smooth.” And this struck me as so hilarious in that moment. I mean, right now, I want you imagine your in-laws rolling up in your driveway in a brand new shiny minvan bumping Rob Thomas and Santana? Or bumping anything for that matter IN A MINIVAN? I dare you not to laugh. And when that song came on today I had a little perspective shift. Instead of having PTSD flashbacks to 1999 as per usual, I thought of Kelly’s awesome Father-in-Law and his (obvs) awesome mini-van and enjoyed the entire song.
And speaking of laughing hysterically and perspective shifts, two people called me skinny at work today. This has happened with an increasing frequency over the last few weeks and I drop dead of shock Every. Single. Time. Mostly because the truth is, whether I have lost weight or not, I could still give the majority of NFL Linemen a run for their money if we were standing on scales next to each other. I definitely do not associate the word skinny with myself. I am not even close to my goal weight, and at 5’10 and NOT of tiny bone structure, I’m not afraid to tell you that my goal weight is somewhere around 175lbs. I KNOW! That probably makes some of YOU want to drop dead of shock.
But here’s the thing, at 175lbs I’m pretty sure I will look strong and hot as hell, so don’t die! Get out your smelling salts one more time and come back to me, would ya? Pretty please?
So this other thing that I wanted to let you in on? Was how I made Garrett try on women’s clothing the other night. I know *kinky* right? Speaking of dropping dead, Garrett just dropped dead of embarrasment because I told THE INTERNET that he wears women’s clothes. All of his fears that his girlfriend is a blogger without boundaries have come true. MWAHAHAHAHA.
So I made him try on women’s jeans not because I am crazy/kinky/cool, but because we were hanging out with my family the other night and everyone kept telling him how skinny he was and how he is going to waste away to nothing and OMG DO YOU EAT? THE HORROR.Yes, he has lost some weight. Actually over 10% of his body fat since we started CrossFit and went Paleo, and now at 5’11 he weighs in at just about 175 lbs. And, whoa whoa, wait a second — that number sounds familiar doesn’t it?