I’ve been thinking about weight loss a lot lately.
I mean, I’ve been thinking about lots of other fun things too (namely: how bad ass figure skating jumps are, whether Tory Burch’s makeup is worth buying for the packaging alone, and every once in a while I just randomly think about Adam Levine because, why not?) But the truth is, weight loss has occupied a lot of that thought space as well.
My main thought: I’m ready to recommit to dropping some lbs again.
A Brief History
I don’t know how long you have been around this website, but in case you are new here (or have forgotten) I’ll give you the play by play:
*In July of 2010 I was noticing some declining health trends, so I saw a naturopath who turned me on to Paleo eating. I really need to move all of these posts that I wrote for Bodies in Motivation over here (since that website is now defunct) but if you want to know my backstory to finding Paleo, that is where you’ll find it.
*In October of 2010, I finally just got over my fear and joined a CrossFit gym. Most people find CrossFit and then explore Paleo, I was sort of the other way around. My progress was instant, measurable, enjoyable, and empowering. Definitely one of the best decisions of my adult life.
*Over the next two years I lost 110 lbs like a bad habit. After I had dropped about 70lbs I wrote a series on my experience with weight loss. The Paleo/Primal framework was just about the most natural path to improved health for me, and to learn so much about my body and get my food relationship into a healthy place felt great! (My food relationship? That sounds lame. But you know what I’m saying right? That place where eating well isn’t hard, and things just feel sort of intuitive and natural. THAT’S WHAT I MEAN.) Of course I did this all in the shadows of people calling Paleo a dumb, unhealthy fad diet (which was HELLA frustrating) but I learned to get over that, thank god.
*In April of 2012, I decided to hide my scale. The most important contributor to successful weight loss in my opinion, is the ability to be consistent. It’s not about eating right and exercising. It’s about eating right and exercising OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It’s the consistency that will make or break you.
*I was at the lowest weight of my adult life in April of 2012 — I was 33 years old and buying clothes two sizes smaller than the dress I wore to my 8th grade graduation. EIGHTH GRADE, you guys. The smallest I had been in TWENTY YEARS. I mean wrap your brain around that. YEESH. I was a little scared to be chucking this scale — a tool that I relied on — but I felt like I maybe had a handle on things and wanted to get away from this obsession with measuring arbitrary progress.
*But I still wanted to make REALISTIC progress. I was not where I wanted to be, but I was tired of being a slave to the scale. The BEST THING I’VE EVER DONE FOR MYSELF (seriously? Yes, seriously) was to have my body composition tested. I wrote about how cathartic that was (Part One // Part Two) and holy shit, if you have ever signed up for Weight Watchers, or compared your stats to the BMI recommendations, or had a “goal weight” in number form in your head – PLEASE GO READ THAT RIGHT NOW. It was an awakening for me to understand what realistic progress was, and to reconfigure what this body composition journey would look like when it was completed successfully.
*And then somewhere in July of 2012 I hit a bit of a motivation wall. While I was the thinnest/lightest (I don’t know which word has a better connotation. LOL) and I was in a really good place with food and fitness (in fact, probably the best I had ever been) I was also really enjoying a summer filled with celebratory cocktails and some random food truck festivals. I just sort of let my guard down about this whole weight loss thing. I had ditched the scale, I was enjoying my workouts, I tried a Whole 30 for the first time in August — I just wanted to put this whole “weight loss assignment” on pause. Does that make sense? I’m telling you, THE HARDEST and yet THE MOST EFFECTIVE part of weight loss is the consistency. And my desire to be relentless was just experiencing a little lull.
*This was about the time I headed out to Colorado at the end of Sept/beginning of October 2012 and spoke at a super awesome Paleo Conference with my pals Michelle and Melissa. It was so refreshing to talk about Paleo In The Real World, and I left feeling so inspired. I also left completely out of breath because OHMYGOD DOING BURPEES AT ELEVATION. YIKES.
*And then one month later I began interviewing for the job that I would ultimately begin in early 2013. As you know, I’ve called 2013 The Lost Year because my fitness and weight loss progress absolutely stopped. And somewhere in the middle of the year it actually ended up regressing.
A few weeks ago I was ready to really survey the damage. If you can believe it, I have managed to mostly stay off the scale. While I knew I was backsliding last year, I also knew I wasn’t in a place to be able to do much about it so I didn’t want to beat myself up. I was working to MANAGE all my new stress and I didn’t think scale obsession would be particularly helpful.
So are you ready for the damage? Since the end of 2012, I have put on about 35lbs. GRUMBLEGRUMBLEGRUMBLE. It’s not like I didn’t know it — your clothes don’t let 35lbs slide. Your grip strength and the ability to do box jumps, pull ups, and to run with ease won’t let 35lbs slide. But THIRTY FIVE POUNDS. Whew, it was a tough pill to swallow.
But here’s the thing, I did just that. I just swallowed that piece of news and made no judgments about it. 35 lbs. BIG WHOOP. I’ve lost 110 before. That is a drop in the bucket, I thought. And I just continued to marinate on it to get some clarity about what I would do next.
So, am I happy about it. HELL NO I’m not happy about it, obviously. But this is one of the moments where I’m inclined to just consider that awfully vague phrase: It is what it is. It is what is is — so NOW WHAT?
What’s next is that I think I’m ready to focus on losing weight again. Eep! I’m a little bit scared even saying that, or committing to that out loud, but I think it’s time. My job is in a more manageable place now and my personal life is in a great place! So I think it’s time to recommit to this long term goal again. In all honestly, it’s a big one — I’d like to lose about 60 lbs. I don’t have a time goal, I’m happy to just give my body it’s own time, but I’m also ready to recommit to that consistency and relentlessness that a project like this requires.
It’s scary. But it’s also exciting, kind of? And since I’ll probably be writing about it a little more I thought I’d let y’all know. So here’s to new years, new goals, new challenges, and new body compositions, eh?
Let’s do this.