When it comes to CrossFit, I am certainly terrible at a lot of things. If it involves pulling or pushing or hanging my body weight from or around a bar, I’m not going to win any contests. It doesn’t mean it
can’t won’t be done at some point, but these are the things I struggle with. I weigh a lot. This is not a judgment about myself, this is just a fact. I need to be stronger than your average 150lb chick to huck my ass over a bar. Period. It’s just physics, and I’m okay with that. Also, I’m really fucking strong, so I know will get there eventually. 🙂
But you know what I am pretty good at when it comes to CrossFit? Keeping a steady pace. I will not be the first person to cross the finish line, but I will also not be the person who pushes out the gate so fast that they then peter out in the middle of a workout. I strategize with the big picture in mind, so I try to find a pace that is hard, but that I can maintain until it is done. I am built for distance, not necessarily for speed just yet. I try to work my strengths.
With a WOD though, it is easy to push because you know it is going to be a for a finite amount of time. 12 minutes. 20 minutes. In some cases it’s a whopping 30 or 40. But there is going to be an end, and although it is uncomfortable you push through it because, by design, it is short in duration. Sometimes I finish and think that maybe I could have pushed a bit harder or run just a bit faster. But I know I can push even harder next time, and I do. In fact that is also by design. And it is how we all get better in that gym.
What I am finding shocking though, is that for me, this absolutely does NOT translate into my real life. So much of CrossFit, for me, is a reflection of real life but in this particular instance I realize that I can not pace myself for shit in real life. While it is certainly constantly varied, life is not programmed to be short in duration. And this is really the rub. I always talk about how I am looking for balance, but I don’t even think it is that anymore. I am just trying to find a pace that works, and I don’t think that I have quite found it yet.
Life is long and right now I am working HARD. At high intensity, you could say, and I just did because this CrossFit metaphor is working for me in my brain right now. Roll with me. My day job is full of craziness — but I’m on a path. It has a purpose. I am getting somewhere, so I keep it up. At the same time this blog is turning into less of “this hobby that I love” and more into “this freaking amazing place that is bringing me awesome professional opportunities.” Both of those things require a lot of pushing for many hours of my days.
And now all of a sudden we have a dog. A dog that is awesome but needs to be trained and guided and figured out. Let’s add that to the list of Immediate and Important. And we need to buy a ring. (Well, ahem, Garrett does. ha!) And plan a wedding. And in one month and two days I will be 34, so we probably need to get on incubating that kid we want to have. I mean, right? And then I have to actually have that kid. And care for a newborn, and then a toddler, and then OHMYGOD something about all of that doesn’t strike me as the “cool down” phase of my life.
And when I think about these things I wonder about the pace I’m keeping. I wonder about my future and if, in the WOD of life am I running way too fast right into something that is my weakness. I never mind a little discomfort, but I do wonder lately if I am putting my time into the things that are most important. Am I going to be able to keep my head above water in the future? I spend my nights grinding my teeth while I sleep trying to answer these questions and honestly the only thing I have to show for it is a Super Sexy Mouthguard. I should Instagram that hotness, let me tell you.
Obviously I don’t have an answer for any of those questions. This post is offering you no helpful suggestions or advice if you are in the same boat and I am sorry for that. Maybe I should have added a disclosure statement at the beginning. 🙂 But what I’ve decided to do is just to hold out hope that it is all going to work out. What will be, will be and if I need to slow down, I can slow down. I am trying to trust my pacing instincts at the moment, because at least in the gym they are pretty darn good. And if nothing else, what I do know from almost 2 years of CrossFitting is that your head ALWAYS threatens to give out before your body does.
So for now, the plan is to just keep going.