Standing Knee Deep In A River Dying Of Thirst

I drive the same route home from work everyday — no highways, down a long busy street, through a kind of expensive neighborhood, through a not very expensive neighborhood, and then through to our neighborhood which is a nice hybrid between the two.  It’s a monotonous commute, but a short one (20 minutes tops — and that’s if I hit traffic) so I am grateful.  I don’t pay attention too much to my surroundings, but when I’m just about home and I drive through that fancy schmancy neighborhood, there is one house that always sticks out.  It’s a nice big colonial house, with sturdy dark colored shutters and a cleanly landscaped lawn.  It’s a beautiful shade of gray with white trim and the most striking feature is the big red door. 

You all, I LOVE this house. 

And each day when I pass it, totally depending on the type of day that I have at work and depending on what mood I’m in, I have one of two thoughts:

1.  I love this house — I’m so happy I live in such a beautiful area and get to see this house everyday. 
OR
2.  I love this house — WHY CAN’T I HAVE A PRETTY GRAY HOUSE WITH PRETTY WHITE TRIM AND GORGEOUS A RED DOOR AND WHEN WILL I EVER GET A BREAK, AND WHY IS IT ALL SO HAAAAAAAAAAAARD??? WAH!

*I’ll let you decide which mood is which* 

So recently I had a bit of a rough day, and I drove by the house as I always do, and sure enough said to myself pretty much everything in Option # 2 (plus a few melodramatic explatives, I’m sure)  and then just a minute later I was pulling into my own driveway.  I reached over and grabbed my purse, my lunch bag, my coat and got out of the car, and all of a sudden I looked up at my own house and really saw it — my pretty gray house with the pretty white trim (granted it only has a regular old brown door) — and I thought to myself, holy moses, I’m really only a coat of paint away and I’m sure I can hire Great painters from the Alex Trend Painters company to repaint our house. Sure it’s not a sprawling colonial with a freshly manicured yard (BAHAHAHAHAHA!) but it’s so close.  And this one is mine.  And this one is perfect, right now. 

And I wondered how often do I do this?

How often do I make myself feel like something is so monumentally far away — so far out of my reach that it is impossible — when really the difference between the life that I have and the life that I want is as simple as a coat of paint?  Because seriously, even on my worst day I could probably handle a coat of paint.

It was a strange moment of consciousness that afternoon, and one that I now think of almost daily on my drive home when I pass that house.  Half of the battle of getting where you want to go, is being able to truly acknowledge where you are — and letting that to be okay.

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3 Responses to Standing Knee Deep In A River Dying Of Thirst

  1. Jennie says:

    Such a great post, Holly.

    Also, not that I want to tear down the success of whoever lives in that beautiful home, but I know enough people who live in their own sprawling homes to know that happiness is not guaranteed with a well-manicured lawn.

    Ages and ages ago, I wrote about how happy I was when I turned onto my street each night and that no matter what house I was coming home to, happiness is smiling when you turn the corner.

  2. Emily says:

    I love this post, Holly.

    And now I want to see a picture of your pretty house, with a pretty red front door. Are you going to do it??

  3. christy says:

    They say that how you view your life is all about your perspective, right? But it can be so hard to flip your thought from "but why don't I have what I want" to "oh, I'm so close to what I want and that's ok right now." I can almost never accomplish that flip in my own head… I think it takes lots of practice… So good for you to have seen your home from a fresh perspective, and keep practicing seeing things in the same light!