We have very important superficial things to discuss today people. Namely, my hair. AND HOW IT MUST BE CUT.

If you remember, the last time we had this discussion was in May of this year, so it is HIGH TIME for a haircut. I’m pretty sure normal people do not go 7 months without getting their mops chopped, but I’ve never been one to be normal.

Here is the current lowdown on my hair. It’s longer than usual and sort of blah. This pic is from right after Thanksgiving:

This is also the picture that made me fantasize about Juvederm or other injectible things POURED INTO THE WRINKLES IN MY FACE OMG. But that is another blog post altogether.

Anyway, back to the hair. It’s not horrible, it’s just currently in that unruly state where it takes A LOT of work to get it to look only ok. And I prefer to have hair that is fun instead of just hair that is constantly pulled back into a ponytail. Though I am a sucker for ponytails with bangs, but we’ll talk about that in a minute.

I like hair that actually has a style. It’s okay if it take a lot of styling products and a hair dryer and looks fabulous, but I’m not that into hair that requires multiple tools and a prayer just to look “decent.” In my vast 34 years of mop chopping experience there are two things I do with my hair that fit those requirements.

A. Bangs

I like bangs. Blunt Bangs. Choppy Bangs. Swoopy Bangs. They’re just fun! But yes, they do become annoying after a while and then one must grow them out. First world problems and all that. But I do love a good ponytail with bangs, which might be a nice way to not cut off a lot of length, but still have a fun hairdo that is more functional. I just said hairdo. Do people under 80 still say hairdo?

For your reference: Me with bangs (Please ignore Garrett’s caveman beard. I don’t know what was up with that.)

B. Shorter Hair

Shorter hair is fun and sassy. It looks good straight, lends itself well to curling and always looks like it was cut to be in that particular style. But it can be a pain for workouts, and I haven’t learned how to expand my short hair repertoire beyond A-line bob. I’m up for suggestions.

For your reference: Me with my most recent shorter hair (Man, that photo makes me miss summer and sunshine.)

So. here we sit, two roads diverged in a yellow wood. Take a vote and let me know what you think.

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I was ready for it to go this morning.

Attention Mop: You’re Getting Chopped.

My hairdresser fought me for a minute.

“It’s the longest I’ve ever seen it, I can’t cut it off.”

“What will you do about the wedding?” (HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!)

“Are you suuuuuuuuure you want to go short?”

But then finally she did this.

And I came home looking like this:

And everything just feels right in the world. I feel like myself again.

Happy Friday and have a great weekend, y’all!

(PS — If you couldn’t tell, I went in with the pic of Option 2.)

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So on my long list of things that I hate overhearing women say is, “I’m growing my hair out for my wedding and I can’t wait to chop it off when it’s over.”

Other things you can add to that list:

“I want long and lean muscles, not bulky ones.”
“I get along soooo much better with guys.”
“I’m trying to lose 5 lbs.”
and basically any iteration of the phrase “When is he gonna put a ring on it.

But let’s get back to the wedding hair issue: What is with that? I totally get that having long, romantic hair is the image that we are most bombarded with as “future brides” but the idea that you would spend time having a hair style you don’t love (ie: I can’t wait to chop it off when it’s over) because you want to look like this archetypal bride makes me want stand up on my anti-media soap box. (Also: OMG, no. This is not for me.) But don’t worry, that’s not at all where this post is going.

You see, I actually have crazy long hair right now. Like way past my shoulders long, and I’m pretty sure the last time I had hair this long I was writing Pearl Jam lyrics in black sharpie on my high school locker and wondering if Jordan Catalano was going to ask me to the prom. I realized recently that it’s just…not my preferred hair length. It’s fun, I can do a lot of things with it, it goes back nicely in a ponytail, but I just don’t really feel like it fits me. I love long hair on other people, so I can’t really explain it, but it just doesn’t feel ME, you know?

So the other day I was doing my hair as I got ready for work and I thought to myself, “Self, you should tame this crazy mane and get it chopped.” And then without skipping a beat, I thought to myself “Oooooh, but will I regret it when we get married?”

AND THEN I DIED OF SHOCK AT THE HYPOCRISY OF MY SUBCONSCIOUS.

And then I made an appointment with my hairdresser. For this Friday, actually.

I’m definitely going to get it cut shorter because it’s time. The problem is I spent just about the entire decade of the 2000s with an A-line bob, which seems to be the Go-To suggestion whenever I talk about cutting my hair. And while I love love love that cut (and consider it the reason that I love shorter hair to this day) I feel like I’ve been there, done that. I want to branch out.

Here is my FAAAAAAAAANTASY HAIR, but do not select that because I don’t even have ANYWHERE close to the amount of cajones required to do this. (Yet. But I’m working my way there.)

So that leaves us with the following three options:

Option 1 – Round // Choppy // With Some Bangs

Option 2 – Sleek // Short // Bob

Option 3 – Ooooh, Asymmetrical

I realize that no haircut will actually make me have the darling facial structure of any of these lovely ladies, so fret not. With that in mind…WHAT SAY YOU, INTERNET!

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