Garrett

Relationship Real Talk

By Holly on November 27, 2012

I mentioned recently that Garrett and I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary. When friends and co-workers asked how we were going to celebrate, I jokingly responded “By staying together, obviously.” Gifts are not either our “love languages” (HA!) so it was no surprise that we didn’t run out and shower each other with material things, but I have honestly begun to realize that this year, more than any year, staying together really was the big gift.

That sounds a bit dramatic when I reread it, and I don’t mean to mislead you like we are on the precipice of a dramatic breakup, because we are not. I REPEAT, NOT BREAKING UP AT ALL. But what I will say is that during the seven years of highs and lows this has been the hardest year of our relationship. Like in all capital letters. And it is for a multitude of reasons, none of which need to be detailed here mostly because they will be tedious and boring to just about everyone who isn’t me or Garrett, but it has been a working year. And I feel like people don’t really talk very often about those working years — but they are the most important aren’t they?

I am firmly in the camp that we’re doing okay if we are able to say “Yes, things are hard but we are working on them.” And I am even more firmly in the camp of — HEY LET’S TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT WHAT TO DO WHEN THINGS GET HARD. But then again, I like to talk about lots of things, so that’s probably not a surprise.

My mom always likes to remind me of that Buddhist Proverb that says “When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” And I feel like I have come across a number of things lately that have given me great food for thought and perspective about my life and my relationship. In an effort to do a little more talking about the hard stuff and not just post glossy photos about stuff when it is easy and awesome, I thought I’d share a few things I found useful lately:

I particularly enjoyed this post of Jennie’s about questions and answers. As someone who likes to always feel capable (that was my nice way of calling myself a Control Freak) I don’t do well with long periods of time full of lingering questions. But I am starting to realize that it can be helpful sometimes to just sit with them.

Also, when I read Liz’s AWESOME POST yesterday (seriously, go read it immediately, I can wait) about the singular task of juggling your careers and relationships I found myself letting out an enormous sigh of relief. I often let my work life get sorely out of balance (not only with my day job, but all of my other crazy endeavors.) And I found it really comforting and simple to read about this one approach. Of course at first I was like “WHO THE HELL DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS?” But I honestly think that the whole post is just full of really smart thinking.

And lastly, I know I have already regaled you with fascinating quotes from Rules of Civility, but there is just one more that I have to get off of my chest because it really spoke to me. And to this time in my life, really:

If we only fell in love with people who were perfect for us…then there wouldn’t be so much fuss about love in the first place.

I MEAN HOW TRUE IS THAT? I just loved that quote.

The highs and the lows are worth it.
The question years and the answer years are worth it.
Figuring out how to prioritize your family life is worth it.
But man, they don’t call it commitment for nothing, right?

I would love to hear your relationship philosophies and strategies. How do you balance that in your own life, or even if just in abstract? I love to read gems of wisdom that I can tuck in my back pocket for when I am ready to listen and who knows, maybe it will be just what someone else needs to hear as well.

The Moment Is Now

By Holly on September 25, 2012

Despite my best intentions, the week prior to every vacation Garrett and I end up fighting about something ridiculous and mundane. I’m usually wound tightly, he can see the cogs in my head start to spin, and at this point I think his strategy is mostly just to avoid conflict at all costs. But sometimes I’m the jerk who goes looking for it. I think it’s my coping mechanism when the stress builds up.

We are heading out to Colorado on Wednesday so if everything goes according to plan that means we should probably be speaking in terse sentences right about 9pm tonight. Set your watches. But the thing is, I don’t want to fight with Garrett. I’m so excited that we are getting to spend 5 days in a beautiful place together. We’re going to a state that has been on our List of Places to Visit Together since we first started dating. We have had conversations where we completely map out our fantasy life living in Boulder over glasses of wine, and now WE GET TO GO THERE ON SUNDAY! I want to make sure I enjoy all of the beautiful and fun and even the scary bits of this whole trip (Hi, public speaking nerves. Haven’t seen you in a while!)

I find it hard not to live in the future. I’m constantly thinking and preparing and planning, and most of the time I tell myself it is because it helps me be more in the moment. But then I came across the quote above and I realize that maybe I spend a little too much time in the future and need to start focusing a little more on what I’ve got right here in front of me. Less Anxiousness // More Gratefulness. I’m adopting this as my motto for the next week it seems.

So.

What this looks like in real life is: I’m vowing not to snap at Garrett about getting the suitcases out of the attic. I promise not to pace around the house staring at him asking “Are you almost ready?” 30 minutes before we leave the house. I swear that I’m going to roll with the punches in Colorado and not have FOMO if I’m not attached to my vacation spreadsheet (even though I will completely admit to maybe doing a liiiiiiiiiiiittle pre-planning.) I want just enjoy what everything this trip has to offer and I’m setting my intention right here. Now let’s all cross our fingers that I can do it!

Goodbyes and Hellos

By Holly on September 3, 2012

This is a very grainy picture of the house where I grew up in Fremont, California.

We drove by it Saturday night and despite the terrible lighting and the fact that we had a 2 hour drive ahead of us, I insisted on stopping to take a picture of it. This is the sidewalk where I used to play hopscotch. The street where I learned to ride a bike. That window on the right is where our two golden retrievers used to sit and stand guard, waiting for someone to come home with their noses sticking to the window. This neighborhood is where I made my first friends, walked to school and indulged my teenaged entrepreneurial tendencies by starting a little babysitting ring. It was a good house, and I lived there from the time I was shorter than our kitchen table until the end of high school.

My parents sold that house when I was 17. I went away to college and never really got to come back “home,” although they stayed living in the same town. A couple of years later my dad passed away, and though I spent a year living back in this city where I grew up, I eventually moved on to Los Angeles and then to Sacramento (where I live now) because my mom and grandparents had made their way up there. This year I will have spent as many years away from Fremont as I did living there.

I moved to Sacramento to go to college and it was somewhat arbitrary. I didn’t imagine staying long and I never imagined calling it home. But then of course I met a boy. And slowly but surely friends and family starting moving up towards our direction. I’d run into high school friends at my job, and see the parents of people I graduated with at the grocery store. More family moved closer, good friends moved away from my hometown to other cities and states, and little by little there were less people to go back and visit in Fremont.

My Aunt and Uncle, however, continued to remain there in their home of more than 20 years. In my mind, that house is filled with just as many memories as my own. It is where my cousins and I would have sleepovers, where we would run around in the backyard. As I child I remember it was the fun house with cable television and the Good Cereal. (Sorry, Mom. Grape Nuts was not that exciting as a kid. ) And when they sold it about a month ago to move up to a little town about 20 minutes from Garrett’s and my house I was ridiculously excited! More family nearby — YES! But also, there was a part of my that was just a tiny bit sad.

No more family in Fremont.

Saturday afternoon my mom and Garrett and I ventured back to Fremont for a big friends and family BBQ and one last hurrah at my aunt and uncle’s house. It is so exciting that they are starting a new chapter, retiring, moving closer to us, and building their dream house. But it also tugged on the heart strings just a bit that this chapter of my hometown was being closed for good. I grew up there. Many of my cousins grew up there. All of our parents grew up there. It’s where my dad made a name for himself, and where he died. There are memories around every corner, and now there will be no trace of us.

As with any goodbye, there is a little sadness. But when one chapter ends, another starts and that is exactly what we were celebrating on Saturday. There were family, friends and neighbors in spades all clinking their glasses to good things and good lives. Garrett and I did not resist the siren song of red wine as we thought we might, but after 32 days of clean eating and no drinking, it was a lovely day and occasion in which to imbibe!

All of us will miss that house and that town for sure, but we will carry the good memories with us as we all start our own families.

The Fremont chapter is over, but the book of our family is long and ever evolving.

10 Things You Might Not Know About Garrett

By Holly on August 15, 2012

Well you know he has a salty sense of humor and a high tolerance for crazy (hello — he’s dating ME!) but there may be some things you don’t know about the boy behind the blog. Today I thought it might be fun to pull back the curtain a little on my favorite dude ever.

1. His name isn’t really Garrett.

No, this isn’t some blogger pseudonym, he does actually go by Garrett in real life too, but his parents actually named him Charles. So on paper he is really Charles Garrett Franklin even though has always gone by the Garrett. You know when he’s not answering to G-Unit, G-Money or G-Funk. Charles is a family name and they liked the way Charles Garrett sounded rather than Garrett Charles so that’s what they named him. After a lifetime of telling teachers that he doesn’t go by Charles, he definitely won’t do that to our own kids.

2. The word “Husky” gives him PTSD.

Oh the awkward years. During Garrett’s (Late 80s/Early 90s) he had to buy “husky” sized pants but not everyone carried them back then. Since pants were such a booty-licious drama, and Garrett’s grandma was skilled enough to sew him pants, he used to pick out fabric from the store, send it to her and she would mail back his own couture Hammer Pants.

COUTURE HAMMER PANTS, you guys.

3. He is obsessed with all motorsports. Well, except Nascar.

Formula One, Moto GP, World Super Bike, V8 Super Cars, Indy Car, World Rally, OMG the list goes on and on. If it has wheels, he will probably watch it race all while nail biting, yelling at the television, and pre-empting the announcers. I think his dream career is basically to be Will Buxton. If you want to know why he doesn’t love Nascar you’ll have to ask him. The answer is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long and thought out for one bullet point.

4. He is also an only child.

Yep. We’re both lonely onlies. Well, except neither of us is lonely. That said, we are both completely comfortable with the idea of having an only child. Or of having 10,000 babies. We’ll just have to see what happens. It makes both of our extended families super small, but we are lucky that we both have awesome cousins who are similar ages that make up for the lack of siblings.

5. He is basically fearless – unless you want to stick a needle in him or touch his eye, take a picture of him or blog about him.

Garrett will only have blood drawn in life or death situations. Oddly enough, he was in an EMT/Paramedic program for awhile and was around needles all the time with no problem. Just don’t bring the needles around his arm. Similarly, he will avoid cameras like the plague. He hates having his picture taken and whenever I talk about blogging about him he gets a little itchy. Today’s post was collaborative, and he only agreed to it because so many of you requested “More Garrett!” on my recent survey. I’m sure after this post he’ll probably go underground or something.

6. The eye ball fear is inconvenient since he is almost completely blind without his glasses.

I mean like Bliiiiiiiiiiiii-ind. But he refuses to even think about lasik because he is sure there is needles and eye balls involved and that is a No-Go.

7. His Bachelor Decor when we met left a lot to be desired

All I will say about this is when we met he had a Lindsay Lohan poster hanging in his living room. Sure this was pre-coke-head Lindsay who was darling, but oh has he never lived that down. Speaking of things he’ll never live down, he used to have a Laser Tag blanket on his bed.

“What? It’s a blanket. And it still works!” This was his 22 year old excuse for terrible bedding, and literally the next day I took him to the mall and made him buy a legit duvet. Bachelor men, man.

8. He is an encyclopedia of random BBC programming

Inspectory Lynley, Ballykiss Angel, Luther, Prime Suspect, Torchwood, Keeping Up Appearances — all shows Garrett has turned me onto. He is a veritable Anglophile when it comes to TV and Mini Series’ but oddly enough he was a hard sell on Downton Abbey at first. Obviously he totally came around.

9. He has a serious mayonnaise aversion, but beyond that he will eat almost anything. And 10 times more of it than you would expect.

Even amazing homemade mayo hasn’t converted him. And he can practically spidey-sense it if it’s in his food. He should bottle that skill and sell it. But instead he just refuses to eat mayonnaise based dishes. That said, he doesn’t refuse to eat much else. He can be a really impressive glutton when he puts his mind to it.

10. One of his major life regrets is sitting next to Suge Knight in the airport once and not talking to him.

I mean, I can’t really blame him. I probably wouldn’t have talked to him either. Garrett doesn’t live his life with many regrets though, and that’s one of the many things that I just love about him!

******

Hope you learned something new about my Partner in Crazy!

Life Snapshot: The Seed

By Holly on July 17, 2012

Yesterday I woke up at 5 am and made Monday my bitch. I had a quick lunch, was super productive in the afternoon and by 5pm I was at the gym sweating like my head was a water faucet (it wasn’t even that hot!) The workout was brutal — Cleans and Cleans and MORE CLEANS, but since I have been working reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally hard to improve my clean form the past 3 weeks I wasn’t all that sad to see them on the menu. There is something incredibly satisfying about doing hard work and actually seeing progress. I left the gym exhausted and molded myself right into the scorching leather of my car’s seat and headed home.

Halfway home I decided this gorgeous evening called for some sun roof action. It was super windy and even in a ponytail my hair was kind of blowing all over the place. I clicked through some radio stations playing endless iterations of teeny-bop boy bands and as I got to my last pre-set this song came on:

It’s a song that I must have listened to a thousand times the summer I met Garrett and instantly it reminded me of hot nights, drinking beers on patios, playing darts, feeling the twinge of butterflies and getting to know someone new. I smiled a little bit to myself, turned the radio up way louder than appropriate for a 33 year old woman driving a Subaru and drove home thinking that this song was indeed a seed planted all those years ago. And almost 10 years later I am just so happy that it is still growing.

Birthday Weekend Bonanza

By Holly on May 7, 2012

Happy Monday!

It’s a big day in our house because today is Garrett’s 31st birthday. We celebrated all weekend long, a fact that I mentioned to a checker at the grocery store on Saturday when I was buying Garrett’s favorite beer and then he randomly asked me for my ID (well, I guess it wasn’t random since I was buying beer, but I am CLEARLY old enough) then he did some math in his head and then said,

“Cougar Town, eh?”

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. Ok.

So yes, I am 33. Older Woman // Younger Man. Whatever. More importantly I would really like to object to the fact that I am a cougar. I think if you are asking for my ID, I can’t POSSIBLY be a cougar, right? But despite that random interaction, we had an utterly blissful weekend!

It started at the gym. What, don’t all of your wonderful weekends start at the gym? We did our friend Cole’s Athlete of the Month Zombie Apocalypse WOD and we were pretty convinced at the end of it that we would DEFINITELY be zombie food.

Tough stuff.

But afterward there was an impromptu BBQ with our gym buddies, so that made up for all the sweaty exhaustion.

On Saturday I told Garrett we could do whatever he wanted — he was the boss! This is not something I do often…haha, so that was a gift in itself. We had planned to go kayaking but the weather was WAY TOO WINDY to kayak, not to mention going outside was a total sneeze-fest. Instead we spent the morning inside watching a lot of Top Gear and Moto GP (obvs, you know who had the remote control) and then in the afternoon we ventured out.

Our first stop was the library. I know, I know — we are senior citizens — but Garrett wanted to peruse the aisles, and his wish was my command!

I caught up on some magazines while Garrett found some treasures and then it was off to lunch, which ended up being a double scoop of bubble gum ice cream in a waffle cone for him — ok, ok and some strawberry cheesecake ice cream for me!

It was a worthwhile indulgence.

We had to stop by Costco on the way home because Garrett’s request for one of his birthday dinners was “Giant Rib Eyes.” You can always count on meat as a Man Pleaser, right?

Mission: Accomplished.

So I made all 3 of Garrett’s favorite dishes — Grilled Rib Eyes, Brussels Sprouts with Bacon and Caprese Salad. In the end, he enjoyed them all, but you can probably guess where his priority was:

If that is not the most ridiculous piece of meat you have ever seen, I don’t know what is. And he ate THE WHOLE THING.

(Sidebar about that plate: It says You’re The Best and it is so totally 80s, but growing up it was the plate that we all got to eat our dinner on when it was our birthday. My mom passed it on to me a couple of years ago and I still love it. Do you have a Special Occasion Plate tradition? It’s so simple, yet so fun!)

Sunday we slept late (so late — my god it was like the college years, and it felt AMAZING) and spent the day mostly puttering around the house goofing off, doing some yard work, and enjoying the weather.

While it won’t rank on the EXXXXTREME scale, we both agree it was a perfect birthday weekend. Just the right amount of relaxing, indulging and being productive so you start the week off on the right foot.

We aren’t doing anything crazy today, but again that’s at Garrett’s request. It took a lot of arm twisting for him to let me throw him a party last year, so I think this year he is content to just have a lovely, regular day.

On Saturday night I asked him, as we do at every birthday, what 3 things he wanted to accomplish before he turned 32 and without a pause he said:

*Getting Engaged
*Getting Married
*God willing, getting pregnant

We’ve been together a long time, Garrett and I, and we have celebrated at least a decade of birthdays together. And I’ll tell you what, friends, when he shot those wishes off the top of his head, I felt like I was the one who was getting lavished with gifts.

I think this year is going to be a big one.

CrossFit Love: How Sharing Fitness Has Improved My Relationship

By Holly on April 12, 2012

I think I’ve told you this before but I reeeeeeeeally had to twist Garrett’s arm to get him to come to CrossFit with me for the first time. I believe his exact response was, “No thanks. I don’t need to be a (F-Bomb) Navy Seal.” He had watched a few videos on the internet after I suggested it and instantly decided it was not for him.

(Sidebar: If you are thinking about CrossFit, disregard 90% of the meat head videos on the internet. This is NOT real life.)

Anyway, I finally pleaded my case to him and said that I just didn’t want to go alone. Would he just consider coming with me once, and then if he hated it he never had to go back again. That was almost a year an a half ago, so it’s no spoiler how that all worked out. Now he loves it! Well, at least most of the time.

This is halfway through Open Wod #1 which was 7 minutes of burpees. I don’t think he loved it right then. (And who could blame him?)

We have both seen a ridiculous amount of positive changes, individually, because of Crossfit. But the thing that has been the most awesome (and partly because it was completely unexpected) is that it has really helped strengthen our relationship. Bonus! Caity over at Moi Contre La Vie wrote about something similar recently and it inspired me to share our experience.

Here are five big reasons that I’m so glad that Garrett and I CrossFit together:

1. There’s Always A Hand to Hold (Or, Rather A Spotter Handy)

The couple who bench presses together, stays together.

Starting something new can be scary for anyone, which is why it is sometimes easier to do with a friend because you can pump each other up and strategize before or after class. When you do it with a significant other though — the person who can read your non-verbal cues like a book — it’s almost even more comforting. Garrett can tell when I’m nervous or feeling insecure and I can do the same. We both make an effort to support each other a little extra in those moments.

2. You’ll Have Your Own Secret Language

Whispering sweet nothings about snatch technique, surely.

Having individual fitness goals that you can talk about together is not only beneficial for keeping on track, but it creates a level of intimacy. I know when I make a goal Garrett is 100% in my corner. He keeps me honest and pushes me when I need it, and I do the same for him. It’s built in accountability and built in understanding. Although on the other hand — it’s a built in bullshit detector. Garrett can always tell when I’m making excuses and I can do the same. That’s the best/worst part.

3. Having a One Man Cheering Section Feels Pretty Great

We all have bad days. I had a remarkably bad one doing Fran the other day because I was feeling insecure, I wasn’t in a great head space and I let something get to me that I shouldn’t have. Ten thrusters in I dropped the barbell feeling so defeated, but Garrett quickly came over and started pep-talking me back into a good head space. And he knows just how to do that because he is my Partner in Crime. He followed me around for the next 6 minutes just like an overly aggressive Soccer Dad. And while that sounds nutso, it was JUST WHAT I NEEDED in that moment. And I was so grateful for him afterward.

4. We Now Prioritize Spending Time Together Improving Ourselves

Post-Workout Afterglow is one part sweatiness, one part happiness

I used to always spent 5-6 hours a week at the gym, but back in the day that was time that I spent away from Garrett. Alone time is necessary (OBVIOUSLY) but sharing a fitness routine for us has increased not only the quantity of time we get to spend together, but it has improved the quality of time. Now instead of spending that time watching tv or reading, we get to spend 5-7 hours a week supporting each other through challenging workouts. And it overflows into other things like making new recipes together, or supporting our buddies at CrossFit competitions on the weekends too. It’s fun having a shared interest that works its way into your social life. Speaking of social life…

5. It’s A Great Way To Meet Other Couples With Similar Interests

photo courtesy of Caity

Making friends as an adult is haaaaaaard, right? And making Friends Who Are Couples is also kind of a challenge. But lots of couples enjoy working out together, and it’s fun to have met so many in our short time CrossFitting. I just don’t think you don’t get that going to a regular gym, right? I mean can you imagine how creeper that would be if you were approached by folks on the prowl for couple friends at a 24 Hour Fitness? Awkward! I’d be wondering if they were going to invite us to a key party, or trying to sell us on their pyramid scheme.

The most important thing that I’m constantly reminded of though when we head into our CrossFit box each though isn’t only specific to working out. When it comes to fitness, life, or especially relationships I think that there have been no truer words spoken than the one’s written on the back’s of all of our sweatshirts:

True Story, my friends. True Story. And I’m just so happy we’ve found such a fun way to put work into our relationship.

*unless otherwise noted, all photos courtesy of American River CrossFit.

Your New Favorite Game: The Game of Life (As in: Get One)

By Holly on April 7, 2012

The rules of our new favorite game (maybe yours too?) require you to know that Garrett and I are homebodies. Our days of chandelier swinging and Friday night’s out on the town until the bars close ended years ago, and what has settled in its place on Friday nights is the desire to have a a good dinner, a bottle of wine, our PJs and the DVR. I know my 21 year old self cringes at the thought of this but you know, my 21 year old self once had a bench warrant out for her arrest because she thought she was above the law, so what I’m saying is consider the source. But that is what happens after you have been dating someone a million years and have your own stupid inside jokes and language and silly nicknames for each other — a night in can be just as fun! More so even, right?

Additionally, in order to understand to allure of this game, you need to know that my new(ish) iPhone is still a novelty in our house. Garrett has a flip phone circa 2002 or something and so the iPhone with all of its bells and whistles is still majorly improving our quality of life on a daily basis. For example, we generally keep it on the coffee table at night and when we are watching random things on tv and have very important questions like “Was Richard Roundtree the guy in Shaft?” It’s great because we can immediately pick up my phone and google it. LIFE CHANGING, right? I KNOW!!! (Speaking of life changing, google *has* become The Killer of Wonder — you should go read that hysterical link. Holy Moses, story of my life!)

Anyway, the other night we were watching Psych and wondering whether the lead actor, James Roday, was still engaged to his co-star Maggie Lawson. Obviously we took to Google immediately because: why wait? So I typed in James Roday and immediately google pre-filled my search with terms “James Roday Fat.” I mean…seriously? Poor guy. Sure he’s put on a few pounds over the seasons, but can you imagine googling yourself and having INSERT NAME HERE: FAT be the first thing that pops up? So sad. Garrett and I discussed what pre-filled searches for our names that we would like to see pop up and we agreed upon “Garrett Franklin: Pretty” (HA!) and “Holly Woodcock: Bombshell.” I mean, it could happen right?

I’m getting off topic here — the game. The game! So, basically for the last few days we’ve been trying to guess what the first pre-filled search terms are for celebrities. For example: Megan Fox. I guessed “bitch,” Garrett guessed “hot.” But actually Megan Fox: THUMBS is what pops up and WOW — is that disturbing! We’ve seriously been playing this game for days! It’s almost as fun as the game we play when Mad Men is over and we try and guess the RIDICULOUS exclamations that the characters will be making in the previews for next week’s episode. Previews that make no sense and follow no plot lines. Keep that one in your pocket tomorrow too, for a good time! Hours of entertainment folks.

Also proof that we may need to get out more. Either/Or.

The Difference Between Men and Women: Current Events Edition

By Holly on January 25, 2012

Actual conversation in our house tonight:

Garrett: Hey did you hear Seal Team 6 rescued some kidnapping victims in Somalia today?

Holly: No. God, how awful.

Garrett: Awful? You mean AWESOME? They got dropped by parachute in the middle of the night!

Holly: Exactly, that sounds awful. Think about how those people must have felt. First, they were over in Somalia, which um…last time I checked wasn’t like spending a week at the Ritz in Maui. Then they get kidnapped, probably by some drugged up teenagers carrying automatic weapons, and held hostage in a “Pirate’s Lair” which is not high on my list of things to experience. And in the middle of ALL OF THAT, sometime in the middle of the night more men with weapons get dropped down in their compound and kill almost everyone. I mean, that has to be terrifying in the moment.

Garrett: Yeah, but they are being RESCUED BY SEAL TEAM SIX. That is a totally surreal experience.

Holly: Surreal???? Garrett — surreal is walking down the street in Vegas and seeing your first girlfriend from junior high. Surreal is going to the grocery store in the town you live in now, but running in to your neighbor from the town you grew up in. Surreal is doesn’t have anything to do with automatic weapons.

Garrett: Man, I bet it went down just like in the movies.

Past Conversations:
*Home Security Edition

Alphabet: A History (C) – Cous Cous and Crudite

By Holly on December 21, 2011

This is a series of autobiographical vignettes inspired by Dear Wendy’s series of the same name. The idea is loosely based on Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.

All of my stories can be found here.
***

I remember the first meal Garrett ever cooked for me because it was the first meal any man had ever cooked for me: Grilled Chicken Breasts, Cous Cous and Steamed Vegetables. We were just friends at the time, dancing around what to call this connection of ours, and while it sounds simple, it was a meal that changed my life.

The chicken breasts were seasoned with a dry rub he had mixed himself and then grilled on a miniature Coleman in his backyard. It was summer and the windows were open and the house filled with the kind of pleasant smokiness that you can only really get with charcoal. The Coleman was small, black and spherical and when it came time to flip the chicken from side to side Garrett had to crouch down more than was probably comfortable. The grill had been a gift from his father, given to him when he first moved out on his own — one of many totems of manhood passed down from father to son. While it was the first of many meals we would grill in that yard that summer, it was one of the last we would make using that particular apparatus. I would eventually purchase a larger Propane Grill for Garrett’s first birthday we would celebrate as a couple.

While the chicken was cooking he came back inside and forked cous cous on the stove top like it was his own personal zen garden. Over glasses of wine I admitted that at 25 I had never eaten anything like that, let alone prepared it, so I watched with the excitement of a child learning to do something new for the first time. Though I was a well-established cook at the time I remember feeling so impressed and full of anticipation because of this simple dish. What else would he teach me that I had no idea I didn’t even know yet?

Surprisingly one of the biggest lessons he taught me involved a standard bag of pre-chopped crudite. He took the bag out of the mostly empty refrigerator and poured into a flowered Pyrex casserole dish that his mother used to use in their kitchen growing up. He steamed them in the microwave in a shallow bath of water and topped them with a hefty pat of butter that melted amidst the steam, just like my heart. While we had eaten lots of vegetables growing up in my house, I don’t ever remember feeling quite as excited about them as I did in that moment.

Months later I would meet his parents for the first time over dinner in this same kitchen. I’d watch his mother grab the same bag of vegetables from the refrigerator — though this time instead of being empty it was overflowing with the kind of bounty that only parents can bring when they visit their children in college — and then prepare them identically to the way Garrett had that first night. As she brought them to the table smiling, in this kitchen that had already opened my heart in ways I’d never anticipated, I realized — simple as they were, those vegetables were an act of love. And as she passed me the serving spoon, I smiled right back.

*image source

Relationship Real Talk

The Moment Is Now

Goodbyes and Hellos