Inspiration

On Fear, Failure and Feeling Alive

By Holly on February 20, 2013

I’ve been thinking a lot about my goals lately and how easy it is to feel pulled in so many different directions. Every once in a while I go back and forth between feeling like “Oh no! That’s too much to do” and “My overflowing plate makes me feel amazing!” (And not in a Stress Addiction kind of way, I promise.) Logic says I’d have a better chance at success if I pursued fewer things, right? But here’s the thing about stretching yourself — it means you are CONSTANTLY learning and growing. And to me:

Learning + Growing = Feeling Alive

Right now in my life the to do list is long and the goals are varied. Sure, sometimes I feel a little bit overwhelmed and I’ll admit sometimes I even feel scared. But I think feeling alive doesn’t always mean feeling comfortable, and more importantly feeling uncomfortable doesn’t always mean something needs to change. I came across an excerpt from Brene Brown’s “I Thought It Was Just Me” recently and (as usual) her words brought everything into perspective that had been swimming around in my brain about all of this:

One of the benefits of growth through goal setting is that it is not an all-or-nothing proposition–success or failure is not the only possible outcome…When we set improvement goals and set measurable objectives to meet those goals, we can learn and grow from both missed and met objectives. If our goal is perfection, we will inevitably fail and that failure offers us nothing in terms of learning and change; it only makes us vulnerable to shame.

This brought me so much clarity. Most feelings of fear and overwhelm are triggered by this pursuit of perfection. And it can be so commonplace that it almost becomes subconscious. But pursuit of perfection doesn’t help make us better, it mostly just breeds fear of failure, and if I’ve said once, I’ve said it a million times: FAILURE SHOULDN’T BE FEARED! Failure is one of the most powerful learning tools we have. And as long as I’m learning and growing, I know I’m living.

And what is better than feeling alive?

15 Small Steps to Kickstart Big Change

By Holly on December 20, 2012

Whether you get excited about the prospect of making New Year’s Resolutions or think it all sounds like a lot of talk without the results, a fresh start on the calendar is always a great time to work towards Awesome-izing Your Life. Awesome-ize. It’s a word. Look it up. Sure, this sometimes requires undertaking a large-scale project, but I can honestly say that year after year I’ve often found that it is the tiny little changes that we make over time that ended up having the biggest impact. So if you don’t have the energy to come up with a Giant Resolution to tackle in 2013, how about some taking a few baby steps? You never know, over time some of these may create a domino effect of change you never even knew you wanted to make!

1. Find a Way to Enjoy Eating More Vegetables

Overhauling your diet is such a popular resolution, and trust me, I am obviously a fan. But it takes a huge commitment. What if you just took one little step? Commit to finding some healthy recipes that you actually like. Learn to love brussels sprouts (hint: add bacon). Try making the best broccoli ever. Serve up a giant bowl of spicy kale chips with your lunch instead of those Honey Dijon Kettle Chips. No big deal, right? Just a little change.

2. Commit to Being In More Photos

This post about Moms Staying in the Picture was all over the place this year and despite not being a mom, I loved the sentiment. Who cares if you still need to lose 10 lbs or you don’t love your hair — your life is still worth documenting. Whether it is making sure you are in the vacation pics instead of staying behind the camera, do what you have to do to honor your life NOW. Learn how to take a good self portrait. Your future self will want to remember exactly what that experience looked like.

3. Get Your Online Communication In Check

Do a quick audit of your social media channels: what are you putting out there? Do you mindlessly complain online? Bitch about politics? Only share pictures of your kids or dog? (ahem, GUILTY) Social Media Platforms aren’t going away, so maybe it’s time to come up with a strategy. How do you want to read to the world? What you put out there is important.

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4. Have Friends Over For A Casual Dinner

Sometimes when I think of “having people over” I talk myself out of it because I don’t need another stressful event on my To-Do List. Make 2013 the year that you perfect Casual Entertaining. Filet Mignon is not required to have an awesome evening of conversation with good friends. Stick to an easy Dinner Party Style Recipe. Or Heck, have a pot luck. Play a game. Watch a movie. Keep it simple.

5. Improve Communication With Your Spouse

I mentioned that this last year was a challenging year for Garrett and I, and many of the things we struggled with were miscommunications. So vague, yet so important. One of the things we started doing a while back was to sit down on Sundays and talk about the up coming week while answering these 5 questions (well, 4 questions, we aren’t really the “pray for each other” types.) Sure it seemed a little formal at first, but it has been really amazing how the answers can really set the stage for better communication.

6. Do a Side by Side Taste Test & Discover What You REALLY Like

My favorite part of wine tasting is when you get to see how a wine changes when paired with different foods. Comparative tasting is super fun, and also really illuminating. The next time you are buying yourself some coffee, wine, chocolate, gin, whatever — pick up two types and taste them side by side. I find that tasting two like things side by side helps me get to know exactly what I like I even better.

7. Send More Handwritten Notes

Whether it’s a thank you note, a birthday card, or just a postcard to say hello — send your sentiments by hand. Who doesn’t love to receive mail?

8. Get Sucked Into a Series of Books

Game of Thrones, The Hunger Games, Sookie Stackhouse, 50 Shades of Grey — whatever it takes, just find a series of books that will suck you in and keep you thinking about turning the pages to find out what happens next.

9. Create a Stash of One Pot Meal Recipes For Those Busy Weeks

Martha Stewart has a long list that includes 49 One Pot Meals. Last year I shared 30 Nights of Paleo Crock Pot Meals (and I still use so many of those!) It is so helpful to have a go-to stash of easy recipes.

10. Try a New Workout

I’ve talked before about the importance of finding YOUR fitness but you can’t actually find it if you don’t start looking. Ask your friend to take you to her yoga class, try that spin class at your gym that you think might look fun. Email the owner of a CrossFit gym to find out what the next steps are (how un-scary is email?). Pick up a workout video on Amazon. Just try something new…who knows, you may find something you LOVE!

11. Read a Self Help Book

Sure it sounds cheesy, but what if you put the eye roll on pause, embraced the woo-woo and actually learned something that changed your life? I spent a lot of my early 20s drowning in embarrassing self help books and I often look back and chuckle about it. But the other day I was having a conversation with a coworker about reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and I was DUMBFOUNDED by how much of that book I have unknowingly incorporated into my life. I read it when I was 22! Pick up something cheesy and motivational. (My favorite: Louise Hay Wisdom Cards) Maybe it won’t change your life today, but perhaps it will marinate and then one day you will realize how much it has changed you.

12. Adopt a Pet

So maybe this is a bigger “small step” but listen, you don’t have to run out and buy a dog. But can I tell you the most surprising thing that has changed about my life since Buster came into it? I have less fear. Wait…what? I don’t know how to explain it, but now that I have something that is counting on me to be it’s protector, I feel bold in the face of my silly fears. It’s little things like how I used to jump at every little sound in our backyard at night but now if my dog needs to go to the bathroom, I don’t even think twice about heading out into the great black boogey man abyss in the middle of the night for Buster. Hey Monsters, COME AT ME BRO!

13. Buy Yourself Something You Have No Business Buying

Of course the implication here is within reason, so don’t go out and get yourself a Ferrari that matches Justin Bieber’s, but maybe you’ve been running for a year and still haven’t gotten yourself a Garmin, or maybe you want that pricey perfume that you think smells super great. Maybe you want a Clarisonic because The Internet makes you think your face will be a leathery piece of sandpaper if you don’t purchase one. Whatever. TREAT YO SELF.

14. Get a Dramatic Haircut

Whenever I feel schlubby about my appearance, a dramatic haircut always helps. I don’t necessarily mean cut it all off, but change the style. New hair is always a good act of self care that can motivate you to take your appearance into consideration. And just think, the worst case scenario is that you will get to buy hats with wild abandon.

15. Find a Mantra

I know, I know mantras are right up there with self-help books and hippy woo woo. But mantras also have the ability to focus your thoughts and channel your energy into meaningful change. Pick something that resonates with you in your heart, and keep it close and repeat it often. My new mantra for 2013:

source

I will be repeating that often, I assure you.

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What little changes are YOU planning on making for the new year?

Want To Build Confidence: Do Hard Things

By Holly on November 12, 2012

You know what’s hard? Posting pictures of yourself with bed head.

A few mornings per week I set my alarm for a little bit of an ungodly hour. I wake up. I write. I feed the dog. If he’s lucky he gets brushed and then I grab breakfast and head to work. Some days I get crazy and throw in a load of laundry. Morning is an important time in my house because it is definitely when I feel most productive. But I know this about myself, so I harness that — even when I don’t really feeeeeeeeeeel like getting up early.

Each month I set intentions. Sometimes by the end of the month I find them annoying and wonder to myself “Why did I even set out to do that in the first place?” Sometimes I high five myself for productivity. But having sat down and thought about what I wanted for the month gives me a road map. A compass of sorts. That list doesn’t get things done for me, but it does reminds me of what I really want. And sometimes it is hard to remember amidst the din of everyday life.

4 to 5 afternoons per week I lace up my sneakers after work and head over to American River CrossFit. The workouts are intense, heck, sometimes they even border on torture — but it’s temporary torture. The results, however, are not temporary and that is why I keep going back. Sure every once in a while when I get out of my car I think “Why I can’t just go hop on an ellipitical and watch the Food Network while on auto pilot and call it a day?” But I know myself and I know that for me, part of getting healthy is really KNOWING what my body can do. So I walk into that gym even when it feels difficult.

Some months I do nutty things that rub right up against the boundaries of my own happiness. But like my favorite T.S. Eliot quote says “Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” Despite people telling me I am whacky (confirmed: I am. I’ll admit it) I continue to do it. I document my life in public on this site. I throw in a nutritional challenge here and there. I do crazy experiments with my skin care. I make an arbitrary goal to post a certain number of recipes. I run a half marathon when I know I don’t reeeeeeeeeeeally have time to train. I know these things will be tough, but that is precisely why I do them.

When Garrett says, “Holly, let’s just be normal for a bit.” I always entertain this idea. Sometimes I entertain it because in the moment not pushing myself sounds really good. I even sometimes question myself during these moments — am I doing more harm than good? And that is a good question to continually ask if you are a person like me because sometimes things don’t just feel hard, they are hard. Challenging yourself and pushing your limits is great, but in the end nobody gets a medal for having a dramatic life. There is a difference between doing hard things as a challenge and letting things become hard due to poor time management or filling your plate too full.

But ultimately doing hard things is worthwhile, and I always *highly* recommend it to others. An easy life is a good life too, I’m sure. But here is the thing about committing to hard: when you finish, there is a very particular feeling. A good feeling. And it is a feeling that you won’t get if someone just hands you something. This feeling you get is that nothing is insurmountable. This feeling you get is that your skills have risen to the challenge. And they have. This feeling you get is confidence. And confidence is a need to have, not a nice to have. And while it is well within your reach, you can’t just pick it up on the Clearance End Cap at Target. You have to work for it.

But it is worth it.

Confidence comes from having experiences. Confidence comes from being well prepared. Confidence comes from being completely UN-prepared, scrambling to get through, and knowing that you don’t want that to happen again. Confidence comes from knowing yourself. Confidence comes from stretching yourself outside of your comfort zone and succeeding anyway. I don’t always KNOW I can do things, but in my heart of hearts, I always know that I can try. And if I try, there are only two possible options: I will either succeed or I will gather more information for my next attempt. Either way I’m moving forward, and to me that’s a win. And the best part? Building confidence doesn’t have to start with a long list of Stuff To Do. Sometimes it just starts with a thought. I’m a firm believer that what we think is what we become.

So what are YOU thinking about today?

On Lists + Running + The Importance of Putting One Foot in Front of the Other

By Holly on August 28, 2012

Photo Credit: American River CrossFit

I cleaned out a bunch of crap in my office this weekend. The fun never stops, eh? Much of what I did involved fascinating things like filing bills and receipts and finding the actual homes for things that had started to pile up on my desk, but in the midst of all of it I found a bunch of To-Do Lists.

Here is my philosophy on To-Do Lists: Sometimes just the act of making one is way more helpful than completing the items on it. I am a person who regularly needs to dump her brain on paper in order to be able to relax, so as you may guess I have To-Do Lists everywhere, all the time. I mean, mostly I’m organized about the important stuff, but sometimes I make lists of “Big Ideas” or “Dreams for the Future” or “Things to Look Into” and then I scribble furiously, exhale deeply and then leave it on my desk only to have it get covered up with evidence of trips to Costco, Love Notes from our Utilities company, and other sundry items.

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I woke up yesterday morning and, as I always do while still half asleep, grabbed my phone to check out the Workout of the Day at my gym. “Run a 5k” was all it said, and thus the fate of my afternoon was sealed. Happy Monday! You are going to run 3.1 miles today. Ok. Now just 10 more minutes of sleep, please. HIT THE SNOOZE.

I actually didn’t think too much of it, which in itself is pretty awesome, but I did have a recurring thought throughout the day of: “Man, life will be so great when I’m a faster runner.” Which is stupid for a multitude of reasons, but most notably these:

A. Dude, life is already ‘so great’, dummy.

and

B. Well, B is a little bit longer.

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And for that we need to go back to my random To-Do List that I found this weekend. You see it was filled with a long list of stuff that I was incredibly anxious about a month ago. I wrote it down because all of it felt overwhelming — things that needed to get done, things I could be preparing for, things I should have done months ago, things to do to prepare for The Apocolypse lest I get eaten by zombies…you know those lists, right?

So I made it to calm my nerves, promptly wanted to pass out over the sheer length of it, made a plan about a few things, but mostly just let it all go. Honestly, I never thought of that list again. But Saturday when I unearthed it, I realized that every single item on it could be crossed off.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

They had all gotten completed in some haphazard manner over the last month. I didn’t have a particular strategy for getting everything done, or a plan for efficiency, or a comforting micro-managing presence over it, and yet it all got done. LIKE BY OSMOSIS…ok not really. But still. Done! And honestly, here is the reason why: I try and make a regular habit of showing up at life most of the time.

I try and spend my days being productive, having goals, putting in effort, yada yada yada. And I’ve said it before but it’s worth saying again — a lot can happen if you just Show Up and Try Hard. Like seriously. A Lot. These two elements are so powerful, yet so overlooked. An entire To-Do List, actually, can get OWNED without it really even being on the radar if you commit to showing up to life and giving your effort.

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So the run yesterday. Did I show up? Yep. It wasn’t even an option. I workout on Mondays, this would be no different. Did I try my best? Despite my negative speed related self-talk, HELL YEAH I tried my best. And did I end up owning it? Weeeeeeeeeeeell, I don’t know if I would go that far. But I did read a funny article prior to heading out for my run that said something to the effect of “The best running technique you can employ if you want to improve is by just putting one foot in front of the other.”

I totally took that advice.

I did the best absolute job I could do yesterday, and while a part of me still thinks “hmm…I could probably be running faster” there is another part of me that says “Dude, you ran that 5k 10 minutes faster than you did 2 years ago, without really trying.” Call that a freaking victory already.

I would like to be a faster runner though. But right now I have no Be A Faster Runner Strategy. But I’m not sure I need one really because despite the fact that I’m not really working on it at all, it is still happening. Maybe it isn’t happening at the rate I would like it to, but slowly and surely my trajectory is improving. And this is happening not only in running, but IN LIFE. And while I think it’s awesome to have goals (duh) and to dream of big things, there has been a lot of progress made just because I show up and put one foot in front of the other. This simple act moves the needle of life a lot more than we give it credit for.

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So yesterday I did not PR my 5k or show the world that I was an Olympic! Caliber! Runner! Nope. I did none of that. But yesterday I went to work, kicked ass, took names, drove to the gym, warmed up, fought with my sweaty arm to get the god damn neoprene case for my iPhone on it, stuck my headphones in my ear and headed out into the heat of the day and ran 3.1 miles LIKE A BOSS. And that is PROGRESS. Great progress, actually, and I have seen no evidence that makes me think this won’t continue.

Of course I often I think about my lists and my goals and my running and my life. I think about better ways to do things and hacks I could make to my diet or my fitness or my sleep or whatever and I write them down. Because I am a little bit of a crazy person and all of that makes my brain feel better. Exercised, as it were. But sometimes — well sometimes progress doesn’t come from thinking about working on speed, or strategizing about how to better managing life, or pushing efficiencies. Sometimes the best possible thing you can do for yourself is to show up and just keep running. To put in your headphones and focus your breathing and to push yourself just the tiniest little bit. Because even though every moment will not be your Personal Record, all of those small victories eventually add up. In the end, most big changes are just the sum of a million small unrecognizable little changes, right? Eventually over time, one foot in front of the other becomes quite the distance covered when you turn around and look back.

Thoughts on Fear and Action

By Holly on June 13, 2012

Thanks for all of your supportive comments on my last two posts. One of the trends through the comments was the suggestion that I was being “brave” by putting it all out there. While I appreciate the recognition, I don’t feel like I am a particularly brave person. Generally, I just go about my business (loudly, to the dismay of some) and try and learn while I’m doing it.

(Coincidentally the motto of the college that I dropped out of was “Learn By Doing,” so hey — those two years weren’t a total waste. )

Anyway, the point is I’m not patting myself of the back for how brave I am on a daily basis. But it did remind me of this great quote I came across c/o Cassie Boorn on Monday that made me realize that this is exactly how I operate:

“I am afraid too. I am frightened all the time, but I do not let the fears determine my behavior. How I act and whether or not I am afraid are two separate things in my process. I think questions such as, is this doable, reasonable, and morally sound? What are the consequences going to be when I do this? I know I will make some people mad but can I actually achieve something positive? If I think I can be effective, I allow myself to feel afraid.

The problem is when people act because they are afraid. These two things need to be separated. It is okay to feel uncomfortable. If you are going to create anything worthy, you are going to feel uncomfortable and other people are going to make you feel uncomfortable, and that has to be accepted as part of life. If you want to feel safe all the time, you will never be able to do anything.”

-Sarah Schulman interviewed by Carlos Motto for We Who Feel Differently.

I find, that for me, one of the only things that actually help alleviate my fears is taking self-directed action. Yes, it’s sometimes hard to get started on something when you are scared, but often times getting started actually makes the fear go away. When you take no self-directed action you are just standing there, stroking fear’s ego.

So I sat down and thought: what do I do about that fear when I am trying to separate it from action? And as Schulman suggests above, I think asking questions helps. When I’m feeling particularly vulnerable I find these questions tend to clarify where my energy is being tied up:

Has someone before me done this?
Will someone after me do this?
What is the worst thing that could happen?
If the worst case scenario happened, what would I do?

And usually by then I have talked myself out of using my fear as a crutch to avoid action. Of course it’s always nice to hear the encouraging words of others, but I think that should be the icing on the cake, not the filling.

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So let me ask you…is fear holding you back from anything fabulous?

Is there anything you can do about it today?

On Cynicism and Getting Better With Age

By Holly on May 30, 2012

I love Januarys and Mondays. I love fresh starts and do-overs. Aptly, I love this time of year when graduates get to celebrate the closing of one chapter and the start of another. The emotional space between an end and a beginning is powerful.

(Why has no one learned how to bottle that yet? It could certainly solve this energy crisis we’ve got going on.)

One of my favorite things about this time of year are the snippets here and there that pop up from commencement speeches. No matter who gives them, they are always full of little nuggets of inspiration that I wish I would have absorbed when I was emerging into the real world. Dorky habit confession: I sometimes watch good ones on You Tube when I’m feeling in a rut and pretend like I’m 21 and yearning for knowledge.

Here is a portion from one I think is particularly awesome:

Now will saying “yes” get you in trouble at times? Will saying “yes” lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes.”

– Stephen Colbert commencement address at Knox College in Galesburg, Illinois, 2006

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but is the farthest thing from it.

Cynics don’t learn anything.

Cynicism is a self imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.

******

Yesterday I read another “Healthy Living Blogger” discounting Paleo as a fad diet. Don’t worry, this time I didn’t feel quite so ragey. In fact, it didn’t even really make me upset. Call it a fad, what do I care? Stripes are a fad too, but it doesn’t change the fact that I look cute when I wear them. HOLLA!

I think my lack of rage comes from the fact that I know what I am doing is right for me because I am making progress. And it is still bringing me joy. I am following my own heart and mind and not letting the negativity of others confuse me.

Oh and also: I found this picture back in the archives the other day and when I showed Garrett he said to me “Dude, I think the aspect ratio is off in that picture.”

Sorry buddy, the aspect ratio was totally normal.

But luckily the aspect ratio of our current lifestyle is slightly more flattering. And improving each day! Sometimes it’s hard to recognize progress, but I’ll tell you what, this picture fills me hope that maybe those people who talk about getting better with age really are on to something!

As I get older, I try and let the cynicism around me — at work, in life, and on the internet — roll off my back. It’s a discipline, but it is discipline worth practicing. And it’s worth it because we all have things want to try. I’m not one to tell you that you should try the the things I try, because I HATE being told what to do. But the truth is, we all have secret desires that we wish we had the courage to pursue. Every last one of us. But desires and reality don’t always overlap.

So I’m not going to tell you what to do. But I will say this:

Maybe you want to train for marathon. Maybe you want to try out a CrossFit gym. Maybe you want to change the way you eat. Maybe you want to pursue that dream you had when YOU were 21 and graduating college. Hell, maybe you just want to wear a belt.

JUST FRICKIN DO IT.

Because the clock is ticking, you all. The days are coming fast and furious whether we like it or not. Many of life’s pursuits take courage and sometimes that can be hard to find amongst the daily trials of life and the sounds of cynicism. So today I just wanted to try and be one little voice trying shouting louder than the rest.

What do you want to change in your life? Because it can be done. Someone before you has done it and someone after you is going to do it again. So really, what are you waiting for?

FORGET THE CYNICS AND JUST SAY YES.

5 Jedi Mind Tricks For Kickstarting A New Fitness Routine

By Holly on March 13, 2012

One of the most common questions friends ask me about CrossFit when they are contemplating trying it is, “Should I get in better shape first, or should I just start.”

My advice every single time: JUST START.

But starting a new fitness routine is HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD. And this isn’t just a conundrum if you’re contemplating CrossFit. I think lots of us find reasons to put off starting new fitness routine even though we want to be in better shape. Heck, I put off CrossFit for almost an entire year before I walked in the doors based on intimidation alone. I could actually be a really successful rationalizer if I wanted a second job:

*I will start once I get some new work out clothes so I don’t look like an ass.
*I will start on Monday so I can get the week started right.
*I will start next week when my life isn’t so crazy because I don’t want to flake right away. Better to set myself up for success!
*I will start after I go grocery shopping and my fridge only has healthy food in it. Having crap food will defeat the purpose so I better eat all the Nutella instead to get rid of it.
*I will start when (insert friend’s name here) starts. We’ll do it together! I’ll just wait for her. She needs motivation too and I’m a good friend. I don’t want to ditch her.
*I will start first thing tomorrow. Seriously. I mean it. Tomorrow.

I could go on, but for the sake of brevity (HA!) I will leave it at that.

On the off chance that you are struggling in that space between “Wanting To Workout” and “Actually Working Out”, I thought I would throw out some Jedi Mind Tricks that helped me turn my fitness desires into habits:

1. Be Where You Are

There is no right and wrong place to be when it comes to fitness. You are where you are in the moment, and guess what? That’s okay. No one is making a judgment about it but you, so take a minute to let yourself off the hook if you have gotten out of a regular routine. Trust me, I understand how hard this is. But you MUST do it.

Interest and participation in fitness endeavors waxes and wanes through every season of life, but the thing that stays the same is that everyone has to start at the beginning. And if your beginning looks different than someone else’s beginning — who cares? It’s a start.

2. Stop Focusing On Where You Think You Should Be

This whole Be Where You Are business sounds all well and good until you realize it means you need to let go of “where you should be.” Please note, this an entirely different destination from “where you would like to be.” It’s a small difference, but a tricky one.

If you only remember one thing from this entire post, let it be this: You are not in competition with the fittest version of yourself. Just because you used to play sports regularly, or ran marathons, or nailed hot yoga LIKE A BOSS at one point and time doesn’t mean that if you aren’t there now you are a total loser. Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s unproductive logic that doesn’t help us get where we want to go.

I get it, maybe in high school you ran a 6 minute mile and now you only want to run if there are zombies chasing you. Oh how fast we fall! But if you were anything like me you should also remind yourself that in high school you made poor fashion decisions, dated boys that were not cool enough for you at the time, and generally had questionable judgment also — so really, why compare?

3. Let Your Fitness Goals Be Commensurate With Your Life Goals

A regular fitness routine is a lifestyle choice that will always need to be managed. For some of you, your current Fitness Management Strategy might be just ignore it and hope it goes away. But I suspect those of you who want to ignore it, also might be guilty of the old Compare-O game we were just talking about. But what if instead of wondering why you don’t feel motivated to *insert endeavor that one of your friends is currently doing/loving/raving about* you spent that time pursuing something that actually worked with YOUR life?

I think of this a lot now that we are seriously thinking about having kids. I’m not a person who thinks when you have kids that fitness should be immediately placed on the back burner, but come on! The first year of my child’s life is probably not going to be filled with me preparing for CrossFit competitions, no matter how bad-ass that sounds! And that’s okay. Your life and your fitness strategy need be in alignment or you won’t be successful. So look at what season of your life you are in and make some goals based on THAT, instead of some arbitrary marker that sounds good.

4. Recognize That Fitness is More About Time Management Than Skill

My friend Liz wrote a couple of great posts a while back about the amount of “Life Commitment” (and time commitment) it takes to train for an Ironman. This one was particularly enlightening. She’s a straight shooter, that Liz. But she speaks the truth, you all. ANY fitness endeavor (bad-ass Ironman or trip to the yoga studio or CrossFit every week) is nothing more than a life commitment that you CHOOSE. (Or don’t choose! Yep, that’s okay too.)

Maybe you have been choosing to prioritize your family the past few years and spending 8-10 hours a week running doesn’t make sense. Maybe you have been prioritizing super hot date nights with your new love interest and have been opting for romantic restaurants instead of the gym. All of these lifestyle choices are valid. But they are choices, and it’s okay to own them. But when you want to try something new and get fit, understand that you will need to make space in your life to do it right.

(Sidebar: Best decision Garrett and I ever made was to CrossFit together. It’s the lazy man’s way of getting fit while keeping the romance alive. He’s always bragging about my snatch! Ok sorry, I couldn’t resist a snatch joke.)

5. Act Like You Own The Joint

Lastly, we need to talk about the intimidation factor, since it something that I am well-versed in. I really think when it comes to confidence, there is no better advice than Fake it ’til you make it. End of story. Yes it’s hard, but the only way out is through!

When I first started running I remember with every step I took thinking “Oh my god it’s so obvious that I suck at this and everyone is laughing at me for even trying, I should probably just quit.” Now that I run pretty frequently and feel confident doing so, do you know how often I stop and laugh at a fellow runner for not being as bad ass as I am?

Um, how about NEVER.

Mostly because I am too busy focusing on my own breathing and posture and pace and I do way too much sucking wind to even notice what others are doing. True Story. Nobody knows you are doing something new but you. So show up and tell yourself you’ve got this! This is old hat! And before you know it, it will be. Find a confident mantra and repeat it. Repeat it until you believe it.

******

So that’s my two cents. What Jedi Mind Tricks do you employ when starting something new?

6 Things I Do To Stay Motivated

By Holly on March 7, 2012

Motivation is a funny thing. People often treat it like it is something that just *appears* in fits or bursts. We all wait for the big wave so we can surf that sucker to a cleaner house, better eating habits, a more organized life or pursuit of our creative passions. And yes, this sometimes happens: a rogue wave inspiring you in the middle of a random afternoon. And when it does — of course, it’s awesome. But I like to think of motivation as more of a skill, or rather a technique that needs to be practiced. Motivation is your brain’s way of manipulating your body — and you should never lose sight of the fact that YOU hold the marionette strings!

The other day I asked the crowd on the Holly Would If She Could Facebook Page what they would like to read about, and a couple of you suggested writing about how I stay motivated — not just with exercise, but in life. So of course, I did the thing I love to do most — made a list! These are the tactics that I use to stay motivated.

1. Have a Vision In Mind

If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there? Motivation is an abstract idea, so give yourself something concrete to work towards. What is it that you want to accomplish? What does your ideal look like at this moment? What do you want it to look like a year from now? 5 years from now?

Give yourself a minute to think, and when you are done – say it out loud. Say it to your spouse, to your friends, to your mom, to anyone who will listen. Make your vision public. My dad used to always say “If you can see it, you can be it.” He would generally say this the night before my dance competitions or cheerleading competitions when he was suggesting I visualize, and man I just thought that was the silliest thing. But I was a teenager, and what the hell do they know? Not. Freaking. Much.

Also: Give yourself permission to change your mind. Your vision doesn’t need to be permanent, and if it is not working for you — MAKE A NEW ONE. I think this is where a lot of people get caught up and therefore de-motivated. If you’re not excited to do what you are doing, maybe you need to be doing something new. Now go figure out what that something is instead of wasting precious time!

2. Stay Focused on You

I think the first thing to recognize is that you can’t do All The Things.

Nope, let’s try that again. I want you to REALLY mull that over in your brain. Everyone says they recognize this, and then continues to look at the lives of others and think “Why can’t I run my own business//workout every day// have a better paying job // live in a house that could grace the pages of Elle Decor // look fashionable every moment of the day?”

You will never get anywhere (nor will you feel motivated to get anywhere) if you are constantly comparing you at your worst to to others at their best. Are you guilty of this? Quit that right now! Because here’s the thing (and I know I say this all the time, but it bears repeating): You can have it all, but not all at once. And if you have a vision, but you allow yourself to be distracted by what everyone else is doing, you are giving away your energy!

3. Cultivate Seeds of Inspiration

Read books related to your vision
Seek out a mentor
Watch an movie where triumph is a theme
Make a new Pinterest Board
Listen to good music
Call your mom (or someone else who sees you through rose colored glasses!)
Talk to new people
Take a chance

Whatever it takes — but you must, YOU MUST, get in touch with that feeling inside of you. We all have it, but it takes work to allow yourself to be a conduit for inspiration. Do the work. And if you are not feeling inspired, seek out a different route.

4. Recognize When It’s Time for Input and When It’s Time For Output

Motivation is just as much about being as it is about doing, but I think sometimes we forget that. Sure everything looks glossy when you are in the midst of kicking ass and checking things off lists but if you don’t shut down and recharge the batteries every once in a while your inspiration conduit will short circuit. And nobody feels motivated when their brains are fried!

Allowing yourself to get to that point is like actively sending out an invitation to malaise. And malaise is not a good party guest. This is the piece of motivation that I struggle with the most, but it is definitely worth keeping in the back of your mind. It’s easy to forget that giving yourself downtime ensures that when you get ready to execute, you fire on all cylinders.

5. For The Love Of God, Make A List

But don’t just keep To-Do lists. Keep LOTS of lists. I have lists of tasks, ideas, quotes, random thoughts, tv shows I want to watch from the beginning, blog ideas, artists who inspire me, outfits I want to wear, paint colors I like, chores that need to be done, hairstyles I want to try out, novels I want to flesh out. If I’ve thought of it, I probably have a list for it. Lists help me keep from using getting distracted.

But here’s the thing: They aren’t always organized. I didn’t come up with surefire system. They aren’t alphabetical or filed by order of importance. But they are written down on paper. They are out there in the Universe. Most importantly they are expelled from my brain, freeing up valuable space in my mind. I can feel comforted by the fact that if I flip to a piece of paper my ideas will be there. It’s like a running tally of motivational fuel just waiting to be used.

6. Set Deadlines and Provide Rewards

Generally if something sits on a To-Do list I’ve made and I don’t get around to it, I use that as an indicator that it’s time to re-think my vision. But ultimately there are those times when we need to get motivated to things to that CAN’T be excised from the list. What motivates me on that stuff?

A deadline and a reward.

For example “Do your taxes” has been languishing on my list for quite a bit of time. So I’ve picked a date that will give me plenty of time to just get it over with; however if I get it done BEFORE that date, I get to go try on some hot pink denim. And I reeeeeeeeeeally want to know if I LOVE hot pink denim on as much as I love it in pictures. But not until I get my taxes done! As a result, I’ve been trying to squeeze in doing my taxes at every possible free moment. Sure, they aren’t done yet. But they will be. OH THEY WILL BE. Because Holly *needs* a good shopping trip in her life!

Holly also needs to stop talking about herself in 3rd person. YUCK.

*****

So those are my favorite tips. What have you got for me? Heck, what have you got for all of us? This is group therapy here, folks!

Tell me one thing that you do to keep motivated when going gets tough?

Food for Thought: On Creativity

By Holly on February 1, 2012

source

I relate quite a bit to this little funny and incidentally it inspired my photo for this morning’s February Photo A Day on Instagram. (Are you playing along? Follow me (hollywouldifshecould) so I can follow you back. Instagram is so fun!)
(Time for a cubicle makeover? Probably.)

That’s a large and dull sea of gray that I get to stare at almost daily for 8+ hours. Instead of letting that get me down though, I am taking any opportunity to be creative as of late.

Photo Challenge: Check.
Style Challenge: Check.
Writing, Scrapbooking, Cooking: Check.
Reading interesting books that give me new perspectives: Check.

Yeah it all sounds a little rah-rah/woo-woo but it’s those little things that make all the difference in how I am feeling in my daily life. While I sometimes feel overwhelmed wit taskts (ok and maybe a little stifled by the gray between 9 and 5), I am also feeling compelled (more than ever) to search out inspiration. And doing that work is worth it, because when you are feeling motivated, it’s AMAZING.

Which leads me to this little Good Read: The Fallacy of Creativity

The real measure of creative success, I think, is the ability to create without restrictions. To spend your days doing the work that makes you happy, even when it fails.

It’s worth checking out.

And of course this TED Talk with Elizabeth Gilbert (polarizing as she might be) on Nurturing Creativity. It’s definitely full of some nuggets of wisdom and humor:

Creativity isn’t something you are gifted. It’s not something you have or don’t have. It’s something you search for and follow. You have to prioritize it and make time for it. You must plant the seeds and care for it. Maybe all of you are reading this and thinking “DUH. Are you just figuring that out?” But what can I say, sometimes I move a bit slow.

How do you keep your creativity flowing? Is it something you even think about, or do you just do it?

Discomfort and The Oboe Principle

By Holly on January 30, 2012

I heard a little gem of wisdom the other day that made me laugh and it started a thought train that I felt the need to share. I spent last week in a 3-day long sales seminar, and if I could emphasize any word from this sentence it would be the word LONG. It was a LONG week, that last one, and I’m sure you are sick of hearing about it as much as I was sick of living it, but it was during this seminar (a seminar where the expression Always Be Closing was used multiple times un-ironically :::sigh:::) that one of the instructors told a story about her son who plays the oboe. One day he was complaining to his music teacher that playing the oboe was so hard, and whyyyyyyyyyyyy, why was it so hard? And the teacher replied, “If it wasn’t hard, the wrong kind of people would be playing it.” And it just made me chuckle. Apparently the oboe has a Natural Selection process.
*****

I followed up that long week by inviting a group of strangers over to my house on Saturday to ask me questions. Questions that I would have to answer on camera. While trying to look natural. Easy peasy, right?

HA! My awkwardness knows no bounds.

The backstory of this film is right here, but I want to tell you why I did it, because I hope that you know that the genesis behind participating had nothing to do with how fabulous I think I look on camera. Is there anything more nerve-racking than picking out an outfit to wear when you are being filmed? GAH! I would submit, no. I AM NO RACHEL ZOE!

Anyway, I did it because the thought of speaking on camera about Paleo and CrossFit (and how they have both changed my life) like, for OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE (OMG!) made me feel super uncomfortable. And as much as I hate to be uncomfortable, I’ve found that most often, doing things that make me feel uncomfortable generally get me closer to my goals. Life is weird that way. Comfortable is easy. I like comfortable, and the act of keeping myself comfortable is a part of my major routine. But every once in a while if you want to grow, I think you have to push.

T.S. Eliot sums up this philosophy so much better:

I know I post this quote here a lot, but it is such a good reminder to always find your edge (to borrow a yoga term) — It’s in the edge that you find your progress.
****

So that was Saturday. Then on Sunday we got up at an ungodly hour and took a road trip down to the bay area to watch our first CrossFit competiton: The Nor Cal 40s.

The event was for athletes 40 and over, and we went out to support some of the rock stars from our box who were competing, and I can’t tell you how inspired I was when we left. (Okay okay, I also left feeling tired — sympathy tired clearly, as the most work I did yesterday was pouring a mimosa– and having a serious craving for In-n-Out Burger. But both of those feelings were easily overcome.) I actually left yesterday having some clarity about why I love CrossFit so much. And it totally has to do with discomfort and The Oboe Principle.

You always hear about how competitive CrossFit is — your times are monitored, your number of reps are tracked, the workouts have benchmarks. Sometimes when people hear about CrossFit they say the competitive atmosphere wouldn’t appeal to them. They don’t want to compare themselves to these super fit people, that doesn’t motivate them. But the thing is, CrossFit has nothing to do with comparing to others. In fact, it is about pushing YOURSELF to your limits — whatever those limits are. It’s about finding your own personal PRs, not beating the PRs of others. And all of the athletes I watched yesterday were doing just that — pushing themselves out of their comfort zones and giving it their own personal best! Every person out there, no matter how they ended up finishing was an inspiration because they had the guts to try.

I understand that people think CrossFit sounds hard, but honestly, its elements aren’t any harder to do than that treadmill or that yoga class. What it requires, however, is a commitment to feeling uncomfortable most of the time in the name of bettering yourself. And the truth is, that does not appeal to all people. I’m not making a judgment about it being good or bad, so please don’t take it like that — CrossFit isn’t for everyone, full stop. I get that. But yesterday I left that event thinking, THIS. THIS is actually the exact reason why I love it. I love the butterflies and the rush of adrenaline. I love the fear and I love the success. I love to truly push myself to the edge and support others who are doing the same. Those are my people.

And Yes, it gets hard. But if it wasn’t hard, then everyone would be doing it. And if everyone was doing it, then it wouldn’t cause discomfort. It would be a comfortable thing that I could motivate myself to do regularly. But I left yesterday feeling more inspired than ever. I left feeling excited about finding that next thing that I want to do that would make me feel uncomfortable. I left ready to push my limits and reach toward my own edge. And tired as I am from a long, busy weekend, I can’t wait to get back in the box tonight. I think TS Eliot would have been a CrossFitter. Or maybe he would have played the oboe. Either way he is a champion of pushing yourself and that — is totally something I can get behind.

What are you going to do this week to push yourself? Can you find something small that will make you step out of your comfort zone?

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Learning + Growing = Feeling Alive

1. Find a Way to Enjoy Eating More Vegetables

2. Commit to Being In More Photos

3. Get Your Online Communication In Check

4. Have Friends Over For A Casual Dinner

5. Improve Communication With Your Spouse

6. Do a Side by Side Taste Test & Discover What You REALLY Like

7. Send More Handwritten Notes

8. Get Sucked Into a Series of Books

9. Create a Stash of One Pot Meal Recipes For Those Busy Weeks

10. Try a New Workout

11. Read a Self Help Book

12. Adopt a Pet

13. Buy Yourself Something You Have No Business Buying

14. Get a Dramatic Haircut

15. Find a Mantra

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but is the farthest thing from it.

Cynics don’t learn anything.

Cynicism is a self imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.

1. Be Where You Are

2. Stop Focusing On Where You Think You Should Be

3. Let Your Fitness Goals Be Commensurate With Your Life Goals

4. Recognize That Fitness is More About Time Management Than Skill

5. Act Like You Own The Joint

1. Have a Vision In Mind

2. Stay Focused on You

3. Cultivate Seeds of Inspiration

4. Recognize When It’s Time for Input and When It’s Time For Output

5. For The Love Of God, Make A List

6. Set Deadlines and Provide Rewards

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