The Lake + The River


Our Lake Tahoe weekend was just what it needed to be and allowed me a good amount of time to read, lounge and think about everything going on in my life right now. There are A LOT of good things. But also, when I have a little bit of quiet time, or time when I am not rushing around to complete the next task on my To-Do List, there are a lot of things that need to be looked at with a slightly more careful eye.

windy road ahead

I wish I came home with some gorgeously edited photos and grand epiphanies, but mostly I just came home realizing that I’ve got a bit of a windy road in front of me. Things in my life are sorely out of balance. Too much work. Not enough sleep. Too much rushing. Not enough time. Too many expectations. Not enough planning. Too many projects. Too much distraction. Too much coffee. (Wait can there ever be too much coffee? :)) I’m sure you know what I’m saying though.

The year that my dad died I somehow came across this book. I think Oprah was probably reading it or something, so it wasn’t like I had made an important discovery, but it was something that I happily absorbed at a time when my heart was broken and my soul was an emotional sponge. I read those short essays daily and during a time of serious tumult, it grounded me. Hell, it grounded my life moving forward in the idea that no matter what is happening in this moment, we all have the ability to hit the pause button, re-examine our situation, find what is working and let that lead us to the real gifts of life. Powerful stuff, really.

The essays were really quick hits — an idea to throw out there and then move forward — no homework or selfy-helpy exercises, but there was one right in the beginning of the book that still I think about often. It was called Standing Knee Deep In A River Dying of Thirst, and fifteen years after reading it I still use it as a red flag indicator in my life. As we drove home from Tahoe on Sunday, I thought to myself how glad I was that we had gone: Good friends, fun shenanigans, a gorgeous house, a relaxing agenda — but in the end, I was still feeling incredibly thirsty — and it’s the thirst that always makes me pause.

Couch // mags // dog

Right now in my life I am juggling so many puzzle pieces but I just can’t seem to fit them all together into something that makes sense. Instead everything feels like a jumbled mess — the food we are eating is less than stellar, my training is hit or miss, my sleep is AWFUL, my work schedule is like an 8 hour race against the clock/cortisol fest. And with all of that going on, my agenda just keeps getting longer. There are lots of good things too, but the time for those things seems few and far between right now. I’m not reading. I’m not connecting with those people who are important to me. I’m not making time to actively recover. And it was clear to me this weekend that I was going to have to make some changes. So all in all, it was exactly what I needed. And while I’m not sure exactly what it all means right now, or what it is going to look like in the future, I’m open to finding out.

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7 comments to The Lake + The River

  • Caity @ Moi Contre La Vie
    April 9, 2013 at 6:54 am

    I’m glad that you had a good weekend and good luck w/ the changes. I’m mid-change myself so I’m here to support you 100%! :)

  • sizzle
    April 9, 2013 at 7:44 am

    I’m glad you got some time away and some clarity. This too shall pass. Hang in there!

  • AndreAnna
    April 9, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Miss you, girl. Get grounded. Then fly.

  • K
    April 9, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Hoping that clarity and a peaceful spirit find you soon. xo

  • San
    April 9, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    I feel you on this post. So hard. I have definitely been there and it’s truly a juggle to get things back into order. Hoping that the weekend was a kick-off to better times.

  • erica
    April 9, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    I remember feeling similarly in Anna’s first two years. It’s tough when you feel like things aren’t working right. I’m sure you’ll find a way to get on course.

  • Tami (Teacher Goes Back to School)
    April 10, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    at the times when i feel i have no time for anything else – emotionally and physically exhausted, i know it is time for me to get quiet on my mat. for some reason the act of choosing to do nothing over all others is very powerful for me. after a pose (really, just one 15 minute pose) i feel like i’ve set the reset button.

    nothing has changed, except everything feels better because i put myself first.

    i hope you are able to either catch up with everything or let some stuff go in order to make some peace.

    thanks for the book recommendation!





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