On Wednesday night I looked at Garrett and said, “My tank is empty.” Luckily I wasn’t talking about my love tank but maybe even more sadly, my life tank. I’ve been feeling drained this week. Moments after saying that (and coming up with a good excuse not go to the gym) I closed my eyes, curled up on the couch and slept like the dead for 2 hours. It was life changing. Kind of like Target Jeggings, actually. Who knew?
I think I’m just in one of those moods this week where I need to focus on the information and energy I’m taking in instead of focusing on what I’m putting out into the world. Input vs. Output — such a fine balance, you know? Consequently I’ve been fine tuning all of my goals, which I will be posting next week along with a review of literally, yes…LITERALLY, the best cookbook I’ve cracked open all year. I know it seems like I’m being hyperbolic, but I mean it. Especially if you have even the tiniest interest/curiosity about Paleo Cooking.
So, as I was de-sweat-ifying after the gym last night the overarching theme of 2012 came to me like a vision, you all. I had a coworker who used to call any epiphany a “shower thought” which, you know, was kind of awkward when she’d say “I had a shower thought about you” in a meeting, but dude WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE SHOWER THAT BRINGS SUCH CLARITY? Truth. 2011 was was my year to get healthy. 2010 was my year to get honest with myself. So what thematic variation does 2012 hold?
Well I’ve finally decided:
Last night my workout involved a series of exercises called Toes to Bar. It looks like this in case you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about. Anyway, the point is a year ago when I walked into my CrossFit box, I couldn’t do them. Last night in my workout…well, I still couldn’t do them. Wait, what? No triumphant story of overcoming adversity? Nope, not here. But last night, I was still celebrating. I came the closest I’ve ever come to being able to doing them. In one workout they went from something that I couldn’t do, to something that is well within my reach. And those are powerful moments that we often overlook because it’s so much easier to wait to celebrate when we have something concrete to check off a list.
In CrossFit there are progressions to just about every movement so that if you can’t do it exactly as prescribed, there is a scalable way you can work towards it. Working through these measurable little checkpoints have helped me make vast improvements this year. I’m still not the best or fastest or most amazing athlete in the box, but I am kicking ass at being my best self! And I get better every single day that I walk in that gym. And those baby steps need a little pause for recognition every once in a while.
I have lots of goals in my life — and frankly probably too many goals for next year but I can’t help myself — aspiring to be better is something that motivates me. Tempering that with my desire to live a balanced life, however, means I want to keep my eye OFF of the prize a little bit more next year and instead keep my eye focused on finding joy in the journey. My plan is not to stop making goals, but rather to stop being so hyper-focused on the part where checking them off is the only measure of success and joy. I want to focus on the little moments. The baby steps. The Progressions. Walking out of the gym last night I felt really happy. My life tank felt full. I’m feeling improvements and I’m working in the right direction. So that’s what I want 2012 to be about.
Not the end result, but the journey.
I like it.