I Never Promised You An Herb Garden

Well my herb garden is pretty much looking like a disaster, friends.  This feels sort of like a betrayal because you always hear that herbs are the gateway garden, right?   A full fledged garden sounds sort of overwhelming, but anyone can grow herbs, right?  You don’t need garden beds, or rich soil, or mad skillz.  Everything I’ve read tells me I can them on a ledge in my kitchen, on a balcony, in little pots.  Herbs! You can grow them ANYWHERE!  

But I’m finding out the hard way that this is shameful propaganda.  Unless I am totally doing it wrong (and I just may be) the rest of my garden is thriving but most of my herbs are dead or wishing they were.  

Exhibit A:  The Dill

Y’all, this dill is either dead, or in hospice.  I won’t be sprinkling this on my salmon anytime soon!  (Good thing Garrett hates salmon.)

Exhibit B:  The Basil

While this isn’t quite as brown and dead looking as the dill, it is definitely looking far more like swiss cheese than I think it should.  Ina Garten’s basil in her backyard garden doesn’t have holes in it, WHY DOES MINE? 

Garrett calls Ina Garten “I’m a Gardener” in a snooty little Southampton voice whenever I make one of her recipes just to be obnoxious, but I feel like it is extra salt in the wounds lately because it is another reminder that I am completely NOT A GARDENER, INA — what is your secret???

He also calls Alton Brown “Alton Bunghole.”  I don’t know why I’m telling you this.  Dinner conversation around our house is lively, I promise you.

Maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that the rest of my life will be full of store bought basil.  But you guys, I can hardly keep store bought basil alive.  I AM DOOMED.

Luckily, some of my tomato plants are looking pretty good.  

Actually they all look pretty good, but these are the only ones that I have responsibly put tomato cages around so these are the ones I’m going to show you.  Elizabeth came by this weekend (who you know, is my garden fairy) and I thought to myself “The Horror! She will see my uncaged tomatoes AND ALL OF MY FAILURES WILL BE EXPOSED”  and she totally didn’t judge me.  But I’m not sure I can trust the entire internet to do the same, so you only get that one picture.  It’s neat to see them grow though, they have all these cute little flowers on them which I am taking as signs that I’m NOT a totally lame gardener!  

So take THAT, Ina!

But the herbs, well, they continue to disappoint!  Have you encountered this before?  Am I doing something wrong?  Enlighten me, internet.  I know you are full of advice.  

Have you had success growing herbs?  TELL ME YOUR SECRETS…

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3 Responses to I Never Promised You An Herb Garden

  1. Elizabeth says:

    This is my second year trying to grow dill as well, and so far. hmmm. It's not dead, but it's not going to win any kind of prizes. Also, I haven't looked at it since it got HAILED on yesterday.
    Anything full of holes like your basil is being eaten by slugs. You can try a bunch of "natural" remedies like putting eggshells around it, or copper flashing. Or you can dump a crap ton of slug bait around it. Once it gets hotter, it should get better, but I'd slug bait it for now.
    The sooner you cage those tomatoes, the better! Let me know if you want instructions for making your own tomato cages. Which you know, you could totally force Garrett to make while you are at work.

  2. Jessica says:

    I don't grow anything because I can't stand weeding. My husband plants a flower border every year, but I have nothing to do with it.

  3. Home Sweet Sarah says:

    Your tomatoes look fabulous. Mine look like ass, which is a testament to your superior gardening skills, as we both got the starters from E.

    Also, they ("they") say mint it SO EASY to grow and yet I've killed my mint every year. So, I feel your pain!

    Also Chris used to think her name was Barefoot Contessa and that she cooked IN A GARDEN. Thinking of that kills me every time. IN A GARDEN. And he WATCHES Food Network, so he could see she never did actually cook in a garden! Ridiculous.