Remember how we redid our front and backyard and I was like “Hey, now I have to take care of 120 square feet of garden, how the hell am I going to do that?” Well it turns out I am actually responsible for 198 square feet of garden, and since I obviously can’t even do the math correctly, you have to understand my trepidation.
Who has two (brown) thumbs and no innate gardening skills? THIS GIRL!
Luckily, the internet is full of smarties so I can just steal there ideas and come here and pretend like I’m competent. You know that’s not how I roll though, so instead I will expose my ignorance! and then of course reveal my saviors and sources.
So here’s the story…
(…of a lovely lady. Who was bringing up 3 very lovely girls…Brady Bunch earworm, FTW!)
Currently the garden looks like this. And all things considered, I feel pretty happy about it so far.
These beds are filled to the brim with the following:
*Tomatoes (courtesy of Elizabeth who did the dirty work of growing plants from seeds and then feeling sorry enough for me to give me some. She’s so nice and didn’t even laugh that hard at my novice questions.)
*Lemon Cucumbers (OMG, I die for these)
*Crook Neck Squash (since that is what my Grandma Marian always grew and it makes me think of her. And hope that her green thumb will rub off on me in spirit.)
*Spaghetti Squash (I feel like that shouldn’t grow in the summer, but they had it at Home Depot so I’m trying it.)
*Some More Tomatoes (did I mention we really really like tomatoes?)
*Herbs (basil, rosemary, dill, and thyme)
I took a picture of the rosemary because the dill looks dead and that is sad:
What? I’m just keeping it real.
There were two things we needed to contend with before we got all WOO-HOO-EY about the garden — the soil situation and the water situation. This Situation has to fend for himself:
For the soil I wanted to test it. The first time I ever read about soil testing was last summer when I read this. I laughed hysterically at that post, tucked it in the back of my mind for later, and continued to pour my Miracle Grow on my garden. It seemed to work fine, but this year I wanted to try my hand at modifying my own soil because thinking about Miracle Grow having pee in it kinda grossed me out. What can I tell you, I’m the kind of person who won’t eat mushrooms on principle because they are a fungus. And fungus can grow between your toes? Or on POOP! Pee Fertilizer was pushing it for me. So I bought myself a soil test kit and followed the instructions and actually it was quite easy.
It sure made me feeeeeeeel fancy, but let me let you in on a secret: it’s easier than mixing a cocktail. Which I totally did while I waited for my soil samples to turn colors so that I would know what my soil was lacking. Turns out the beds needed some Nitrogen and Phosphorous, so I went down to my local hardware store to pick up some Bone Meal and Blood Meal to add to amend the soil. And then I realized that adding bone and blood to my soil so that I didn’t have to add pee because, um ew gross, wasn’t really sound reasoning but we were already in the thick of things, so I forged ahead!
Spoiler alert: Bone and Blood meal don’t look gross. But then again Miracle Grow doesn’t really look like pee, so again my rationale is sort of floating in the wind. Take that for what its worth.
So with the soil amended I had to figure out how I was going to water all 198 square feet of Garden Beds, and when I brought it up to Garrett he said “Oh, do you need a bucket?” And when I finally picked myself up off the ground from laughing so hard I said “Sure get me a bucket. And the next time you want to shower I will bring you a bottle of eye drops so you can GIT’R Done.” I may have also added in an expletive or two, but I am experiencing some selective amnesia about that entire exchange. What I do remember is that I sent him off to Home Depot and said “Bring me a drip system” in my very best evil villain voice. But hey, now it looks like this:
Garrett feels proud of himself and we have thirsty plants no more since he magically hooked it up to our automatic sprinkler system! Symmetry and irrigation get me all hot and bothered so you don’t have to worry that Garrett is being abused in this situation. He’s just fine. I promise.
(DO I WANT A BUCKET? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
So the soil is tested, the plants are planted (Thanks again Elizabeth!) and the garden waters itself. All in all I am feeling pretty good about things. You know aside from our dill plant being all dead and stuff.
I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but for now I am feeling like I’ve got kind of a handle on things. I mean of course a loose handle hanging off the side of a jalopy, but a handle nonetheless.
So while we are talking gardening:
What are you growing in your garden this summer?
Do you know of any fun gardening websites I should be reading?
I mean I can’t ask Elizabeth all of my questions or she might
figure out start to think that I’m a total garden loser.