August Goals

This is one of those times when having a blog makes me feel a little bit self conscious.  Because life right now?  Is kind of a snore.  But it is a delicious snore, I promise, and it is very much by design. 

You see July was a huge month for me.  I got back on the list making bandwagon set out to acheive a million things, and ended up doing quite a few.  While I was making that list last month I sort of forgot that there would be other things going on besides just Getting Stuff Done.  I do that sometimes, some call it having unrealistic expectations, I call it hoping for the best!  But there were definitely other things going on:  things like happy hours, wine nights, birthday parties, baby showers, time with family, small dinners at home —  Wonderful things!  But still things, you know?  Things that take time.  And energy.

And also while I was making that list last month I sort of forgot this one thing about myself, and it is the thing that I am perpetually forgetting when someone mentions cocktails, or a night out, or a party, or a new restaurant that we should try, or a weekend trip, or a good show at one of my favorite bars — I Love To Be Alone.  I am a pretty outgoing person, I’m very much on the go by choice, so much so that I have to sometimes have to remind Garrett that I like being alone and he just gives me that raised eyebrow look that says you can’t bullshit a bullshitter.  But it’s true.  I love it.  I absolutely love being alone.

And sometimes I feel like I should whisper that.  Like it’s a character flaw.

But the truth is, carving out alone time for myself has become harder and harder over the past few years.  I’ve met wonderful people, I’ve managed to find a partner who makes me swoon, I’ve moved in with him, my family is all finally all relatively close together — there is so much abundance!  But sometimes amidst all that abundance I forget to carve out the time for my own recharging.  It’s this fatal flaw that I have and I want to be better about it.  This week I have done a few things in pursuit of that recharge.  

The other night when Garrett was working late I had a 4 hour stretch of luxurious time to myself.  I beer-braised a chicken, roasted some vegetables, I organized my kitchen,  wrote in my journal, I did some laundry, I blasted the stereo, I made a pillow fort on my couch and watched Friday Night Lights.  I spent a good chunk of time just being, not trying to do something, produce something, read something on the internet, respond to something, email someone, call someone — none of it.  I just did exactly what I felt like.  I collapsed into my bed later that night refreshed and ready to take on the week.

Yesterday I took the day off of work for absolutely no reason.  A Mental Health Day, I told my boss — and that’s just what it was.  I slept in.  Ate a leisurely breakfast.  Opened all the windows and doors in my house and drank coffee with a Delta Breeze blowing through the house that felt way more autumn than summer. I went to Target.  I went to the library.  I napped.  I read.  I didn’t take the day off for any particular reason exept to do exactly what I felt like when I felt like it. 

And although these things were necessary and rejuvinating and decadent — I fully acknowledge that they aren’t super blog-worthy.  I didn’t spend the last week at a conference, meeting people I felt like I already knew.  I wasn’t having life changing experiences over fancy meals or breathtaking views.  I wasn’t taking a trip, I wasn’t crossing things off my Life List.  I wasn’t taking gorgeous photographs of even more gorgeous writers.   I was just here.  Being myself.  Being quiet.  Honoring a part of me that doesn’t get to the front of the line that often.  And honestly it was as rejuvenating as if I had been on the trip of a lifetime.  With less unpacking!  And I want more of that feeling.  And I think this August, I’m going to make that happen.  

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